Crushing on someone….. why it can’t work and is there love out there????

Finally getting time to write and it feels like ages since I have last been on this site. So quick recap on what has been going on.

Work. Work. Work and ..uhm work. Welcome to my dull life.



Okay I am admitting it. I have a crush and it is making me go mad inside out…

The problem is it is NEVER going to work. How do I know this? Cause I do have eyes and I can see that if there was a mere chance of this being something it would end in disaster.

When people encourage the fact that you might feel something for someone more than friends, don’t go on it cause stalking is WEIRDstalking-cat-o

May it be on a online or in real life. It can be seen as not harmful but sooner or later it may cause you to over annualized and  over react when that person is near. Trying to be near to him/her when you share company. often looking their way to see a glimpse of what you think you want more than anything. Freaking out to never be near you again is the end result.

Now for the person being stalked, it is flattering in the beginning then it begins so become a hassle to live with before getting scary like some of the shows on CRIME CHANNEL. My BFF tried to kill me. Stalkers. How-I-Met-Your-Mother

Scary as in they begin to think that you are capable of that if it is not stopped, but the bad thing about this is that it is done in the wrong ways 70% of the time.

Taking in consideration that each and every situation is different it all comes to the same point. Do you really want to be the WEIRDO and outcast of everybody.

There are so many ways of stalking it is scary to think it is happening every second of everyday. It might be you or your best friend or some stranger doing it. So take caution and think before you take crushing on someone to the next level.tumblr_ld5pilcmQw1qaxdato1_500

Back to the part of people/friends telling you that your crush has feelings for you after they find out about the crush bit. It is astoundingly the worst advice someone can give you but it is kind of reassurance that you are not in a bottomless pit. I have given that speech about a few times that time will tell and so on but in the end. What matters most is that if you guys were meant to be it would happen.


Don’t push the envelope cause you can’t wait for the RIGHT ONE, you might find that you can burn easily. Other than disappointment there will be regret, shame and dread. But the heart ache always seems to last only for as long as you are still fascinated by that person. Until the next one comes along…


They say that falling in LOVE is like taking a leap and trusting that you don’t fall. But is crushing really love? Does it really compare to true love? Some have proved to me that when you fall in love with someone it can start with a crush and end in happy ever after. But that is like one 1 out of 7 that it can happen to (guessing here the number can be higher in the odds of it happening.)

So is it love or just FASCINATION? What is the difference? so I ask something different – why do people fall out of love so quickly? Is it because of mistaken fascination as love? Another why is Divorce rate so high over the world? Is it because of society placing the perfect wife or husband and people fall for image more than what their hearts want? Daily-Life-GIFs-20-Guy-Screaming-at-Another-Guy

Why do I need to fit in the cookie cutter? Be another clone to  become a Stepford wife. I have to say that people would use the word NORMAL now, but it is not normal? Sure we have the right to see who we want but it is all a lie. If it is not about social status it is about what you look like. What happen to don’t judge a book by its cover? Is it wrong for a girl that is a few pounds over weight or totally over weight to get the hot guy with muscles. And the geeky girl with glasses get the hot party guy. What about the science guy finding love with a hot model or a comic con guy finding it with a beauty queen. Or is it to remain fantasy for so many?

ANSWER.…. It wouldn’t work socially. Really!!! Do you know them all personally? Did you date one of them cause how can you tell me that it is not acceptable for any of these people that are seen as incompatible can’t date or even love? Social media has made it mostly impossible for more than half the world to function without the guideline about who to date and what to avoid.

urlDating…. Social media and networks are the future dating sites. You don’t need to go out on a date to get to know someone. just login and STALK their profile. Easy fast and best place to avoid any awkward moments or even taking the risk of finding true love.

“O no I wouldn’t date him look at his profile pic. And there is no selfies…. ”

Ahg don’t get it. Just cause he is not photogenic doesn’t mean he is not the person for you. What about you? Do you think you are online dating worthy? Is there not someone out there now looking at your profile and thinking that you are undated-able? How would you know?


Do you Like the face to face date that makes everything WORTH going through? That just maybe love will come unexpectedly…. world-without-wb-one-tree-hill-rain-2

So the big question now is how do you KNOW if it is love or just a crush?

Think about it………


“It’s like I’m thirteen again and he’s my crush. All I’m aware of in this entire roomful of people is him. Where he is, what he’s doing, who he’s talking to.”
Sophie Kinsella, Remember Me?

“He barely knew I existed. I knew some of the same people he knew, but I was a girl in the background, several degrees of seperation removed.”
Rick Yancey, The 5th Wave

“Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.”
Hilary Duff

“…we’re all fucking Duffs.”
(Designated Ugly Fat Friend)
“I’m not the Duff,” Wesley said confidently.
“That’s because you don’t have friends.” (Bianca)
“Oh. Right.”

Kody Keplinger, The DUFF: Designated Ugly Fat Friend


2014 What a way to start

So time has flown past so fast and the short holiday that I had was to short to even notice.

But true to the new year And celebrations we did enjoy it.

Just a short entry I have a lot to do  before the weekend.  But A update none the less.


When life has so many unexpected events happening in your life that it feels like you going to drown in the sea of expectations. It felt like that to me. I was thrown into the deep end of this. everyone expected me to swim. each thing that hit me made me feel like sinking. I wanted to give up and drown. Drown in sorrow and sadness. Feeling the feelings of despair and  unsuccessful emotions. But somehow I kept going something made me want to keep going. Even if it was slowly.

So my planned holiday got canceled and the time I wanted to write, read and just do nothing was filled with unfortunate lists of things to do. So I was negative. Negative to everything.

Christmas past and to be honest it was just another day to me. This year it didn’t feel like the festive season.

New year was a blast. But still I was negative. Making it one of the least favorite new years.

What I then found to be is that I had a waist for a holiday. It made me grumpy and Agro at everything and everyone

If it wasn’t for friends and family I think I would have been a sour old lady before my short break was over. So after countless wining and chats I got to be positive about life.

I only saw the negative but when I counted my blessings I started to see that they are more than the bad.

God blessed me with so many things I could only go down on my knees and pray.

Don’t let the negative in life take over stop and look t what is positive in life. in your life


Happy – Well I am I think

HEYYYYYY!!!! I know it has been a while since my last post but I have been extremely busy. Really busy that if I got home at a decent hour I pass out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

So I have good news and I have good news. So the good news is that I am on the verge to write the end of my first book still ten thousand words but the end is near. It is the first book that I will have written and finished. Just so you know I have put half of it on wattpad.POP STAR PRINCESS, go check it out and feel free to comment.

Then I am one of the co-writers of IN TOO DEEP. And I am loving it please go read and vote. So that is the good news.


I know not that exiting but sure a big turn in my life. Just wanted to share my happiness with all.

People have different points of view

One thing in life we all can be thankful for is that we are not the same if we were this life will be one boring lifestyle.

But with the difference in  personalties, tastes and cultures we some how find things in common with each other. That is where I got the most diverse group of friends from.

Lets start with my oldest and dearest friend  – we are like opposites from what kind of food we like to the kind of music. I like country she like shard rock and roll. Not likely a pair to put together but we can talk for hours on end.

Then I have  her brother as a friend too with his boyfriend. That is totally out of my comfort zone when I am with this two. But I love them both and even if the only thing we have in common is drinking then so be it. (joking we actually have more things to talk about then me and his sister.

Not forgetting my two other friends that are like my sisters. this relationship was one for the books and might I say I saw this one coming a mile away. Two people that have been in my life for unpredictable time found love after a party that made a few people climb out of the closet.

My crazy 82 friends. both born in the same year and month separated by only 6 days – they keep me on my toes and let me tell you I am the youngest of the group but sure as hell the most responsible one. compared to these two.

My one 82 brother is also part of these weird and wacky group of friends and being almost the oldest in the group he is kind of the educator and grumpy one. He would have us all laughing and entertained at some stage of a get together.

Then there is his girlfriend/ don’t really know if it is so. She came into the group a few months ago. We have a lot in common with reading, movies and music.

That is just the start of my group of friends, close friends.

They might be weird funny grumpy or just insane, but they are friends I will never exchange.tumblr_lm579dEk9z1qzkejg

The exemption to the rule

For those who haven’t seen the movie – He’s just not that into you. (please go watch it) It opens up so many unanswered  questions for both men and women.

Do-you-know-how-bored-i-was-todayOkay yes it is not everyones cup of tea. Or even the sort movie you would normally watch. But it made somethings clear to me and I would like to share my thoughts on this to you.59ec2efcdd982154e75957d750bfb48e

1.  That thing we are taught from a young age boys/girls hurt you cause they like you are some what true (in the movie you see the girl’s mother saying that the boy likes her that is why he did it). 90% of all romance novels, novellas and movies are based on this theses of boy meets girl, boy hurts girl. Girl falls in love with boy. finally ending boy kiss girl. It is actually brilliant. this simple concept is used to brainwash every over emotional girl into thinking. O that guy has the hots for me that is way he is insulting me, He doesn’t want to look uncool. Visa versa. It happens to guys as well.But in reality it doesn’t work like that. he/she likes you or not.tumblr_ld5pilcmQw1qaxdato1_500

2.   Search for signs that that person is interested. What signs? Come on he/she is flirting with you or not. So the guy/girl comes to you with smoke signals and sign language. If interest is shown you get to read the signs quit clearly. trust me, on this one. everybody can read that language. except some people do read it wrong.url

3.   Despite everything desperate partner seeking is so general now you can’t believe it from personal adverts on sites to speed dating. Don’t be shy we have all tried it once. what has happened to meeting the person you going to be with for the rest of your life the old fashion way?

4.  Social circle… Something that you get divided into when having friends. Classed and separated by social structure and demand. You are recognized by the company you keep.tumblr_m93568GsT91rp6xcfo1_400

5.  It doesn’t matter how you look on the outside what matters are what is inside. This has to be the most used line on any website dating service around the world. When did it ever became about your personality other then your looks? people say things like that but don’t mean them. i take from personal experience guy will be all over you because you are so cute and easy to talk to until they get a glimpse of what you look like (don’t deny it girls you are precisely the same with guys) Then it is come hell or high water they cover their tracks and disappear.2url

6. When the thought of being alone for the rest of your life makes you take option one – marry the guy or girl you dating for longer than a year it may be your only chance to get hitched. Really think this through People say there is many fish in the sea and still get married to the person that they fancied to look back at their life and feel it was a total waist. Affairs form and divorce is not that far behind.1url

We are social beings and we need to have that one person we share our life with. It is in our DNA.



My best friends wedding!!!

So on the 14th of September 2013 was a date we all were looking for ward to.6a00d8341bfa6953ef0147e30aef37970b-500wi

The wedding we have all been waiting for has final arrived and the thing that makes it something to see forward to and be afraid of is my friend Framay. She is not a typical bride. My friendship with her started years ago when a mutual friend of ours wanted to have a good party. And since then we haven’t looked back. I could write a book on all our little adventures and parties, but this weekend was all about her and Rene. Finally she has found her Dogtanian. (long story short it was a group thing with the three musketeers)

Like I mentioned Framay is not you typical bride. She has to be the most diverse  person I have ever met in my whole life up till now. This was no ordinary wedding I can assure you that. From when the church bells ranged to ending the night in the guest house enjoying a last drink with the married couple. it was surprise after surprise.

I really enjoyed it from the moment we landed at the reception area till in the early hours of the next day enjoying the last drink. It was interesting to see and be part of such a wedding.

In the beginning we were not that into the whole game playing at a wedding reception but as the first game past and the ice was broken we went on and enjoyed so many more games. from switch shoes to guess the bride and guess the groom it made every one more relaxed. I actually got to mingle with people that I just met. (I am not that out going quite shy)

But ending the night dancing and celebrating my best friends wedding was something I would do again.

We can do no great things;
only small things 

with great love.

~ Mother Teresa ~


Love, love…. O no

_~_Mandy_~_I know it has been a while since my last post but due to good reason

I have been busy the last couple of weeks with my best friends wedding, My sisters Matric farewell(Prom) and my mother’s surprise birthday party. So had hardly any time for myself. Now that things have settled down and I can have a few moments to recap and rethink everything.  Sometime ago my life was turned up side down by a guy that shall not have a name due to knowledge of knowing it is him I will have to change my name and move away.

But with my life on the roller coaster ride from emotions going through me I can not make the right decisions at all.

To start at the beginning is to track back years and years ago when two kids didn’t know what real love is. And growing up and seeing each other on a daily basis didn’t stir the love pot yet.

Something made that vial drop, making me want him more then I want him to be my friend.

Why is it him that makes my heart race? Couldn’t it be someone else. Okay so being the whole drama avoidance squad I tried to make it seem like everything is okay. With out any success. he picked up on my discomfort and distance seconds after I arrived to one of the normal get together. That is how well he knows me. I swear if i wasn’t so afraid of what he might think I would have opened my mouth and sealed the deal with a kiss. But being me I shut it up and tried not to attract attention to my

He still acted normal around me for long after I relies-ed I have more then friendship in mind with him. What if this is one sided? It has one through my mind countless times . To make things worse I have been in his presence a lot over the last few weeks more and more I get that I might be falling hard for a friend that I have always thought of as a brother.

Love comes in different shapes and sizes. It comes when you least expect it to happen to you. I have maid the mistake to walk away from the person I liked so much to prevent heart ache for myself. I don’t want to walk away from these feelings, I really don’t but what if this is just one sided and I loose him forever?

tumblr_md3lle9nnF1qdajj1o1_500I Only have one thing that I a scared of and the thing that scares me most is rejection.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”

Getting to it… sex talk

In a previous blog entries I have talked about the erotic book 50 shades of gray and 80 days yellow. With all that done and dusted off. I moved on. It is not that easy for people to talk openly about sex, especially for women. Reading erotic novels or stories is like an escape for women into sexual fantasies and have some of their questions answered about sex. But saying it out loud has to be the hardest thing of all to do.after fifty[3]

This contains explicit sexual content, graphic language, and situations that some readers may find objectionable


So the other night I was sitting with all my friends getting an update / education on sex. Okay so I don’t have that an active (more like no) sex life at the moment but for some reason my inexperience makes them enjoy my blushing every time the subject comes around.(no pun intended)

With my friends it becomes a regular thing to talk about sex and sex and sex. It seems to find its way into the conversation easily. I am not a prune but sometimes it getting a bit to hot to handle. (Not that I am  complaining it is quite educational hearing from their experiences and disasters.)


four play

My one guy friend (Jeff) has the tendency to start with four play talk. Without sparing any detail. It can be seen without a creative mind. On how guys like it to be stroked and played with. How he has experience with how to please a girl. Some places you need just feather touching and others a little more pressure to get satisfaction result. sex-survey-2012-main

B.J. tips are so many I can’t begin to tell you what I have learned from my friends continues talk about sex. The many positions and tricks to make it frustrating and superb at the same time. Anticipating and fearing the final moment of sexual relieve. Wishing it to finish and never to stop. Both man and woman can be pleasured with oral sex and the use of some very tricky but o so good sex positions. And time and again they state that to cum together is the best feeling you get. It is like the world stops moving when the second hits on that big O.

The question gets asked every time when a sex story gets a chance to be told. Where did this happen? Or. What where you doing there? It seems that the place doesn’t really matter but the who this person was with.  But there seems to be no place on earth that someone has not yet tried to have sex being it on or in or through it has been tried before.


Not to even start with the different toys and sex goods that can steam up any relationship. Our resent topic goods were lube and what the effect is on friction, taste and outcome. Well except for the flavors and different scented ones what they do or don’t do to the hot in bed moment. So cherry flavor is just scent no real taste and cinnamon flavor is kind of burning hot during the intercourse. (Jeff’s experience with his ex wife.)

Now we are a diverse group of people each different age between 18 and 40. Being almost the youngest in the group I blush the most when the topic of sex is well away and steaming up with stories of experience and fantasies. sex-2-5-4-2013

Different people together mix of woman and men talking about fantasies and stories. That are funny, weird and makes some curious about what it will be like.

Kamasutra book was quoted and pulled out a few times to make the story more visual. Very visual if you ask me. It is like a secret weapon on how to get the best O and best way to pleasure your partner to full capability. It just a guideline but sure helps a lot when inexperience people want to  please their partner.

The book and toys are more then enough for a normal couple seeking some adventure between the sheets. But look we are single group of friends and going on with quick fling and spontaneous jump in the sack. The masturbation topic comes along quite often. Not that we dwell on it long but embarrassment and laughter just mix in with those few sentences like it belongs.


Getting to it… the best Orgasm that could leave you gasping for air, boneless and overwhelmed with satisfaction had to be the real deal. The best sex starts long before the clothes come off. Dating and learning your partners weaknesses and strengths can be a insightful look at what he/she is into or not. Pushing boundaries is fun until it pushes back. SO make sure what your partner is into before getting ahead of yourself. The date end into some wild make out session. Creating a window of opportunity for more. The clothes get shed-ed and the fun begins after tortured hour of dining and courting. During foreplay there are many nobs to turn on Heat. As things heat up, you’ll kick start down below, starting the slow buildup. (Wearing some sexy underwear also makes the heat rise.)

The sex position changes every now and again so that there could be more friction and deeper penetration. Intimate touching makes the temperature rise even more. If your touching yourself or your partner it makes the time to orgasm a lot sooner. Feels like everything is gonna go up in flames if you don’t reach that satisfactory point of release. The build up is so intense that the end seems so far but yet the release lies just ahead. Massive_orgasmWhen the Big O strikes and takes over it is a feeling of sensation and fulfillment like just a few can experience.
Every muscle and cell screams of relieve to the release of something so powerful.
Creating magic like only two people can is a fantasy we all want. A fantasy of getting the fulfillment and satisfaction after a remember able sex experience.

Creating a game.

Over the last couple of weeks my friends and I started talking about a murder mystery game. That we saw in one or more movies or TV series. It started out as a normal conversation that lead to planning a fun night. So buying the set would be ideal but knowing that won’t cut it I decided to create my own murder mystery game.

Where to start was my problem and how to start was another thing. I researched the internet on every aspect that I could think of. Thinking I made progress just to hit a wall on what next. It is not that hard to create a game like this but the biggest problem would be to make it fun.

So where to start is the question?

I got everybody to help plan and give advise.

First how to make one the murderer.

Second making the first murder scene.

Third clues to how the first victim is connected to the second.

Creating suspects and more victims, making it fun with clues. Each person is a character with a profession like a doctor or detective even a house wife. personalities are created to make it more fun to act like a money obsessed doctor  with a drug addiction. A cheating detective with a habit to gamble. Or even a dedicated house wife with a few skeletons in the closet.

This is just the start and hopefully I will have a game to play at the end of this year.

Dating my best friend is not that hard, I think?

After the party and the amazing snogging under the oak tree.I was sure that my heart made its decision on who it truly loved. Fred was taking me on our first date. I was kind of nerves and checking the clock now and again. Wondering why time is going so slowly.

The drive to the movie was silent and felt awkward but when one of my favorite songs started playing on the radio I just had to sing along. He starting laughing and I was blushing like a red robot light. I wanted to talk but the butterflies in me was giving me trills and my tong being totally twisted didn’t help either. Some how it was strange to go from friends to boy/girlfriend. Looking for some sign that this was not a mistake. The feeling inside me is still new and made me scared to tell him everything. How did we move so quick from telling each other everything to  simple “Hey”.

Worrying about what is really going on I didn’t notice that we where at the cinema. When I came to open the door for me I snapped back to reality taking the hand that he was holding out for me with more blushing and soft “Thank you” whisper. Not letting me go he pulled me back against him. Lowering his head I just closed my eyes. Waiting for his lips to touch mine. Feeling his breath as he says “Relax” before taking my mouth hostage. WOW my toes are curling and my heart is like a racehorse going fast. Not wanting him to let go I pull him closer to deepen the kiss.

If it was up to me I would have not moved but he leaded me to the movie. I am still craving his lips to be on mine. Through the movie he placed his arms around my shoulders tacking me in by his side. I felt his fingers playing with my hair or rubbing my shoulder. His other hand found mine and was playing with my fingers. I guess he has no idea what this little bit of touching does to my body. Reminding myself that we are in a public place was not helping the need for him  to touch my lips.

It felt like ages when the end was showing and don’t even ask me what the movie was I would have to lie because I don’t remember. I rushed him on so we could get out of there. I wanted him all alone my mind was losing control and I wanted to kiss him like there is no tomorrow. He saw my eye’s and smiled. A devilish smile. No! what! wait!  Just kiss me all ready.

Making out in the drive way was not that romantic but sure as hell beats not being kissed by this guy. Letting go was not an option.