Facing my fears…

Hey guys.tumblr_mhdllz2osT1rjj91ko1_500

So on my birthday this year I faced my biggest fear. Climbing back into the saddle. I got into the saddle with my nerves shot high and fear of falling again flowing through me.

Twelve Years ago I had the biggest scare of my life. Falling from a horse hitting the ground full on my coccyx. I have fallen plenty of times of a horse before but this time it was different. The ground came fast and hard and in that moment I felt a sharp pain only not to feel anything from my waist down. When you don’t feel your legs even if you try hard enough you can’t move your toes. You only think one thing I am parallelized. I shall never be able to do anything.

When the pricking sensation returns in waves of pain minutes after the shock of maybe losing my ability to walk returned I cried in relief. I wasn’t parallelized. I wanted to stand up and dance but the weakness in my legs were what kept me from moving.

After everyone got me up and in the car to the doctor’s office the adrenaline subsided. And the pain that went through me in that half hour before the doctor gave me a shot of pain medication was the worst. My legs rattled as if I had never stopped riding for hours. The feeling coming and going in my legs.

The x-rays showed I fractured my coccyx to a clean fracture, no surgery necessary. Not to bad but I should stay away from falling again due to it could get worse. After that I had to rest for 8 weeks. Icing my backside for 20 minutes every 3 hours or when the pain medication didn’t kick in.

I cried many nights when the pain wasn’t bearable anymore. Seven moths past and the pain was only when I sat wrong a spike like needle pain would go up my spine from my coccyx up to my brain stem. Winter months were or are the worst cause the cold lays on the injuries making them harder to move or when you move painful.

So with the years I just forgot about horse riding, bike riding, running, sports and anything that could cause me to fall and break my coccyx. I played it save. My new friends can’t believe the stories about me when I tell them of how a wild child I was. My friends that was there the day it happened knows about the before me and the new me.

So for my 27 birthday this year my sister made me go to one of the local horse trainers. They are our friends for years now. Dominique was there the day I had my fall. And she knows about my fear. But we still went to get back in the saddle.

With some courage and persuasion I got up the horse. Fear of falling made me clench down on the rains and lock my heals. Dangerous for myself and for the horse. I got so tensed they wanted to get me off. But my sister kept on pushing me to relax and stay on.h5374C325

Eventually after my legs felt like jelly I relaxed and the ride became pleasant. My balance was no where to be found that day. The fear is still in the back of my mind. I got off after 15 min. My legs weak and my body shaking I went home with adrenaline pumping through my veins.

I have been there a total of 6 times after that I am still tense when the horse tries to go faster or gets a bit stubborn. The fear of falling makes me numb but the adrenaline rush I get from the ride has me hooked. I have found my balance and to be honest my timing has not returned so my balance is not 100% in a canter or gallop. But I am getting there.

I am facing my fear of falling. Taking it small steps at a time. Horse riding is not what I fear it is the moment I fall that my fear becomes a truth. The fear of losing the ability to care for myself. to not be able to walk or drive or stand. I had the scare of my life. That turned me into  a safety freak.

I was so wild I got on anything that could go fast. Caring about nothing but the thrill of adrenaline running through me. I still have that moments climbing into a car that can go faster than permitted. When I climb into my friend’s sports car or truck. I want to feel alive that  moments that I throw caution at the wind and see where this might go.

But what I wanted to say is that facing my fear has made me a stronger person. The fear is still there and it might never go away but at least I am facing them head on step by step.w-eb925d222e


Characters in Skateboard on rails part 2

So last week I added my first main characters and today I have part two :

I am glad to introduce to you

Ethan  Brooks05

Name: Ethan Andrew Brooks

Age : 18.

Looks: Tanned build with dark blue eyes and sandy blond hair

Personality: Prankster, witty, lovable, straight forward

Skills: Extreme sport fanatic tries everything and success is achieved. one of those people that is genetic breed of being good in everything they set their minds to


Color – Blue
Food – Pizza (Ha wain because of the pine apple)
Animals – Dog ( Bull dog) Rover
Movie genre – comedy/ action (favorite Fast and furious – what guy doesn’t like fast cars and woman )
Book – Not the reading tipe but have read lord of the rings
Hobbies – Horse riding and boarding

Dis Likes:

Food – Grapefruit
Animals – Spiders
Movie genre – Karate
Book – Almost everything 

School: 4.0 GPA

Next year: Study law.

Dream: To be the best there is.

Toby Brooks

Name: Tobias Andrew Brooks4132598344_10810d5724

Age : 18.

Looks: Tanned build with dark blue eyes and medium length brown  hair

Personality: Witty, joker, closed geek


Color – Green
Food – Pies (Chicken mayo)
Animals – Dog (Collie) Amber
Movie genre – action (favorite Die hard )
Book – Sci-fi
Hobbies –  Boarding and Gaming

Dis Likes:

Food – Vegetables
Animals – rodents
Movie genre – Romance
Book – Any non fiction


School: 3.5GPA

Next year: Game designer or creator

Dream:  Getting a date and chance with Angelica Romero.

Next week I will put up the rest of the guys and some of the other girls profiles so please feel free to give advice or make suggestions to the characters. Looking forward to the feedback

Characters in Skateboard on rails part 1


So yesterday I posted about how I am struggling to create characters for my book and got a few feedback send to my email. I followed a few tips over the course of years I have tried writing. And creating characters was always one of my downsides

So to give you an idea of my main characters I made a quick summary.


Name: Jayden Danella Porter Pretty skater girl holding skateboard

Age : 17 turning 18 in the book.

Looks: Long blond brown hair, gray eyes, small of stature 5’3”, strait nose       with lips not to full. Oval face shape.

Personality: Quick on her feet, fun, impatient, funny, thoughtful, talkative, competitive, strong willed and compassionate about others.

Skills: As a young girl her parents AKA Mother made her take ballet classes and her love for skateboarding came from her father. He bought her her first skateboard to her mother’s horror.


Color – Red
Food – Hamburgers and fries
Animals – cats ( her own Bellatrix)
Movie genre – comedy (favorite The wedding date)
Book – adventure/ paranormal (Lord of the rings and Harry Potter)
Hobbies – Painting and boarding.

Dis Likes:

Food – Olives
Animals – Birds (any kind)
Movie genre – Documentaries
Book – Romance ( girly-girl love) 


School: 3.8 GPA (new school for about a year – senior year)

Next year: Study art and graphic design.

Biggest achievement: She is a natural on the stage as well as on the skate park. But she was the main dancer in the production of swan princess at the age of fifteen.

Biggest regret: Not being there for her little brother Sam when he needed her the most.

Dream: To be famous painter if not a great graphic designer.

Fear: To be a disappointment to her brother.






Name: Samuel David Porter

Age: 5funny-five-year-old-boy

Looks: Brown hair, gray eyes, strait nose and a round face shape.

Personality: Caring, fun, not easily impressed, talkative, loveable and sweet.


Color – Blue
Food – Coco pops
Animals – All kinds – really wants a dog
Movie genre – Animation – Cars

Dis Likes:

Food – Onions

School: Preschool

Biggest achievement: Tying his own shoes

Dream: To be a fireman

Fear: That his nightmares will come true.



Next week I will put up the guys and some other girls profiles so please feel free to give advice or make suggestions to the characters. Looking forward to the feedback





Back to reality

Hey to all I hope everyone had a fantastic festive season. For that I have had(smile)

I know that I have been neglecting my blog but with good reason. For the last couple of weeks I have traveled, moved, celebrated and enjoyed a Holiday over the festive season. (wish I could do some of it all over again. Sigh) But any way I am back to reality. It is some what more comfortable then I would like to admit. Routine, work, people. I seem to have missed it a little.

Deep down I wish that 548760_396792177065425_570958745_nit was again the start of my holiday where I was on my way to my cousins wedding (what a way to kick start a holiday) Ithala game reserve lodge. WOW what a place to be. Gorgeous place to have a wedding.

In Kwazulu-natal South Africa, I found myself in a peace of Eden. Beauty of nature and rustic architecture made it a place were you are one one with nature. (And not far from technology)

Surrounded by bush veld trees and wild animals made it more  like a Jungle book scene then a wedding venue.



Naming just some of the Wild Animals listed at this reserve – Elephant, Rhinoceros, Giraffes, diverse buck (spring buck, water buck etc.) zebra’s, baboons, monkeys, etc. 67982_10200290735693341_1407795641_n380589_10200290728893171_1366168301_n

Enough advertizing. We had such a wonderful time there that it seems like a life time ago. The wedding was all and all lovely and was a good start too. Having a wedding in one of world’s most beautiful places is amazing to witness and maybe one day, shall I be as lucky to get a nature wedding too.


I admit I am a sucker when it

comes to weddings – I just love it. (maybe I should have become a wedding planner)


So after the wedding my holiday was on track with every moment planned – doing nothing for as long as I could. Until the big move. (oohg) What a mission boxes and furniture every where you looked making me nerves . How am I going to move all that.

I must say I have some pretty awesome friends that was more then happy to help me move. (Next time I am moving with just my clothes. Into a place that is already furnished) Sipping ice cold beer under the big oak tree was a reward like no other. We were done everything was in its place. The relaxing can start again.

Just wait Tomorrow is the end of the word (LOL) we had a streetbraai to make a moment of 21 December 2012. Friends all together laughing talking and eating amazing watermelon while the men stood with braai – meat ready like just South African’s can.

Family – The one thing that I have plenty of (not complaining about it) it is great to have so much to be thankful for. Christmas is the best time to spend with family and friends.  Now it seems like a dream. Everybody has their special way of celebrating Christmas now.

New years – Time to say goodbye to the old and hello to the new. New years resolutions made for what would be – hope to be a kick ass 2013….

So to end my post for today I would like to say may all have a happy New year filled with Love, Joy, Happiness and peace.