Facing my fears…

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So on my birthday this year I faced my biggest fear. Climbing back into the saddle. I got into the saddle with my nerves shot high and fear of falling again flowing through me.

Twelve Years ago I had the biggest scare of my life. Falling from a horse hitting the ground full on my coccyx. I have fallen plenty of times of a horse before but this time it was different. The ground came fast and hard and in that moment I felt a sharp pain only not to feel anything from my waist down. When you don’t feel your legs even if you try hard enough you can’t move your toes. You only think one thing I am parallelized. I shall never be able to do anything.

When the pricking sensation returns in waves of pain minutes after the shock of maybe losing my ability to walk returned I cried in relief. I wasn’t parallelized. I wanted to stand up and dance but the weakness in my legs were what kept me from moving.

After everyone got me up and in the car to the doctor’s office the adrenaline subsided. And the pain that went through me in that half hour before the doctor gave me a shot of pain medication was the worst. My legs rattled as if I had never stopped riding for hours. The feeling coming and going in my legs.

The x-rays showed I fractured my coccyx to a clean fracture, no surgery necessary. Not to bad but I should stay away from falling again due to it could get worse. After that I had to rest for 8 weeks. Icing my backside for 20 minutes every 3 hours or when the pain medication didn’t kick in.

I cried many nights when the pain wasn’t bearable anymore. Seven moths past and the pain was only when I sat wrong a spike like needle pain would go up my spine from my coccyx up to my brain stem. Winter months were or are the worst cause the cold lays on the injuries making them harder to move or when you move painful.

So with the years I just forgot about horse riding, bike riding, running, sports and anything that could cause me to fall and break my coccyx. I played it save. My new friends can’t believe the stories about me when I tell them of how a wild child I was. My friends that was there the day it happened knows about the before me and the new me.

So for my 27 birthday this year my sister made me go to one of the local horse trainers. They are our friends for years now. Dominique was there the day I had my fall. And she knows about my fear. But we still went to get back in the saddle.

With some courage and persuasion I got up the horse. Fear of falling made me clench down on the rains and lock my heals. Dangerous for myself and for the horse. I got so tensed they wanted to get me off. But my sister kept on pushing me to relax and stay on.h5374C325

Eventually after my legs felt like jelly I relaxed and the ride became pleasant. My balance was no where to be found that day. The fear is still in the back of my mind. I got off after 15 min. My legs weak and my body shaking I went home with adrenaline pumping through my veins.

I have been there a total of 6 times after that I am still tense when the horse tries to go faster or gets a bit stubborn. The fear of falling makes me numb but the adrenaline rush I get from the ride has me hooked. I have found my balance and to be honest my timing has not returned so my balance is not 100% in a canter or gallop. But I am getting there.

I am facing my fear of falling. Taking it small steps at a time. Horse riding is not what I fear it is the moment I fall that my fear becomes a truth. The fear of losing the ability to care for myself. to not be able to walk or drive or stand. I had the scare of my life. That turned me into  a safety freak.

I was so wild I got on anything that could go fast. Caring about nothing but the thrill of adrenaline running through me. I still have that moments climbing into a car that can go faster than permitted. When I climb into my friend’s sports car or truck. I want to feel alive that  moments that I throw caution at the wind and see where this might go.

But what I wanted to say is that facing my fear has made me a stronger person. The fear is still there and it might never go away but at least I am facing them head on step by step.w-eb925d222e

Wedding rings and the best man part 4

Minutes later my husband came back with star bucks coffee and donuts. Chocolate chip and cream donuts they are my favourite. How did he know?

He came in for a kiss. This kiss is like a drug once I start there can be no stopping me from wanting more. I turn my face away just in time for his lips to hit my cheek. Big mistake the chills still went down giving my body a wake up call that he is near.

“So babe,” He continued like I didn’t just reject his kiss. “What’s on your mind?”

My insides are screaming ‘You!’ But my mind has other plans.

Latching out on him about my sister and the wedding in two days. Why I was here and the ring thing.

He listened to me like I wasn’t complaining about things. I stopped to look at him. Some of the cream of the doughnut was still on his upper lip. Making me bite into my lips. Tempted to kiss away the sweat cream to get to his delicious lips.

“Can you read minds?” The question just popped out.

“Why do you ask?”

“You know more about me then I would tell to anybody when I first meet them. How is it possible?”

“We just clicked that’s all. “

“It can’t be that simple. Getting my favourite donuts with my coffee just as I like it, it can’t be a clicked thing there is more.”

“You are quite the talker when you are ahead. Not that it is bad.” He added when my face was going a nice shade of red.

“Talker. I only get like that when I have vodka. Did I have any last night?” looking back to his face. The morning shadow of stubble was making him look sexier. Giving him a rough and tough look. And I married him. One thing is for sure when he walks in I loose all my good senses and wits’.

“I only recall the few drinks we had after rocking the dance floor or kind of dance floor at the pub. You were persistent with the barkeeper to let us stay for a few more but he was hard to convince.” I looked away from him to the window and somehow the lost memory gaps where returning.

“We went to that road house afterwards. With the big uhm cowboy statue, didn’t we?”

“Jip that is where you proposed and we got married in the chapel a few blocks down.”

“So why did you marry me?”

“I think that after hearing your story and you hearing mine. We just did it.”

“Your story? And what story of mine? Wait I told you about my ex and the wedding”

“Yes you did. And mine was almost the same. We have a connection but the sparks flew with the very first kiss.”

“I kind of remember some bits of last night but there are still a lot of dark parts.” I turned back to face him again. “Maybe you should tell me.”

“I might later. I am on my honeymoon baby we have a lifetime to get to the glory detail of how we met.”

“I have my sister’s wedding to added and to get this” moving my hands to and fro between us “sorted out as soon as that is done.”

“Sort out what? We are married.”

The urge to strangle him was getting huge. What did he think we would stay married?

“I wasn’t going to tell my parents. O hi mom hey dad guess what I got married two days before your precious little princess.

And to make things worse my sister is going to throw a big hissy fit. It is going to be blaming Amber game. Trying to steal her lime light. The only thing that she could be the center of attention. I had  ruined by marring some guy.”

“I shall be there to protect you babe.”

To be continued

Wedding rings and the best man part 3

(This contains explicit sexual content, graphic language, and situations that some readers may find objectionable)
I must be dreaming. This can’t be real. Opening my eyes to stare into blue eyes that sparkle or shine.
“Hey” my voice was low. His hand that was draped over my bodice curled up to my face tucking away a stray strand of hair.
“How about that coffee now.” he smiled at my confused look.
“What a way to speak to your wife.”  giving him a light poke against one hard fore arm.
“Ouch, that hurt.” But he could hide the pleasure from his voice.
“Big baby.” I wanted to move away but he pulled me closer. Kissing my lips with butterfly kisses. As he proceeds down to my neck to the one spot my pulse was going mad.
“I thought you wanted coffee.”
He raises slowly giving me a grin that made me feel boneless.
“Darling I am a newlywed so maybe just to refuel I would get the coffee.” He looked reluctant to leave but got up. Giving me a good look at his backside. I blushed when I saw the red lines that I made with my fingers when he took me over the edge. I could feel the heat again waiting impatiently for his return. To take me again.
Pulling the cover over my head reality come knocking on my door. I got married to a stranger. A sexy stranger build to perfection. A sexy, sex god with stamina of a kind I haven’t yet experienced. The love making was out of this world. The touches and kisses. Not even mentioning  his skill.
I am going to have a problem with walking if he can do this to me over and over again. But facing reality didn’t seem like an good idea I wanted this fantasy to last even for one more time. My phone ringing got me out of my day dream or not quite a day dream a reenactment of  our bodies in my mind.
“Hey Stephanie.” I greeted my sister.
” Amber, where are you? I have a ton of thing to do before the wedding and you are a no show with the rings. Charles is having a fit cause he thought he could trust you with a simple task to get the rings from the jewelry store.” Her ranting and display of annoyance with me. making me the bad sibling was an usual trade. Being the oldest and making the way for the younger bunch.
“I am not even going to be done when the wedding march starts. Why aren’t you here?”
“Seph, I just got the rings last night.” It wasn’t a lie. I did get them. I just didn’t mention a tiny problem. Other wise she would have a field day with me.  I am not afraid of many things but one thing that is on that short list is my sister’s temperamental mood swings.
“I slept over in the hotel because my flight was cancelled.” I remember being late for the flight. The silence made me worried. Did she believe that.
” So when shall you be here?”
O no, she is angry.
“When I can catch a plane back. I am on my way to the airport.”
“Call me when you know your plans. Cause mine doesn’t seem to be worth anything to you.”
The sound of silence came again. Looking at the phone in my hand my mind was pointed to one side. She is mad and I am in shit about the rings. The ring made rainbow of light colors across the sealing. I had to get it off and back into its boxes. How am I going to explain this to her? O god I am so going to hell for all of this.
To be continued

Wedding rings and best man continue

Continued 

(This contains explicit sexual content, graphic language, and situations that some readers may find objectionable)

He moved and my mind was snapped back to the man in front of me. He was more magnificent then any guy I have been with. Broad shoulders with strong arms,  that had hold me tight through the night till just minutes ago. Long fingers that my mind was recalling to have walked and spread over my skin and body a few times  during unprotected sex. My breath caught in my throat. Making it hard to breathe.

I could be pregnant.

He was at my side taking my hand  pushing my slightly down to sit in a chair opposite of the bed.

“What is wrong? You look like you saw a ghost.”

“I might… be pregnant”

Silence was overwhelming and something broke in me. I cried.

That seemed to be the most reasonable thing to do at that moment. Tears that he wiped away before gathering me up into his arms holding me against his heart that felt safe. I wanted to stay there to savor the moment but the thought of depending on another person now. Was not what my head wanted but my heart yearned for. I wanted to feel save like before Andrew left. I wanted to be loved like I am the one and only. I wanted to belong to someone.

Pushing slightly against his chest that made the fire in me turn up. He had his head on top of mine before I moved. now his face was inches from mine. Blue eyes searching for a signal that I am alright.

As if it was natural to take my hand up his torso from were they where  on his chest to his shoulders. Reaching for each other behind his neck. Moving closer to close the gap to his lips.

Instinctively my lips moved against his. Tip of my tongue sweeping over his mouths opening. A soft moan that came from the back of my throat startled me, giving him just the signal to deepen the kisses more. Somehow I was back on the bed with him over me the way he kissed was certainly a drug that I could not think to live without any time soon.  He hands got hold of my shirt pulling at the hem. My hands had a mind of their own traveling over him. helping him get rid of the boundaries that was still between our skins. Soon both panting from heated insides and overdrive hormones we look with wanting at each other. I wanted him deep buried inside me. Moving and taking me with him to paradise. His eyes talked the same sentence.

“Love me” was all I said before falling back on to the bed. My body his for the taking.

To be continued

Wedding rings and the best man

Running late was one of my few contributes to the wedding of the year. My sister is getting married in a few hours and I am miles away from the church. The last forty eight hours was just damn disaster from the first second I opened my eyes. Waking up to a total stranger seems like a regular occurrence in my life since my fiance decided he was in love with his P.A.

To make it better the guy snoring next to me was quite the looker. Dark hair cut short but still was long enough to run my fingers through them. Blushing cause the memory of my fingers traveling the body and that was for sure what I did every contour and curve of muscle flexed under my touch. Swallowing hard to think of that made me want to do that again. Wanting to stay I just couldn’t, I had to get home. One rule about sleeping with different men was  to never take them home. Trying to be stealth about getting up and gathering my clothes. just as my jeans slip over my butt.

Dark chocolate voice came from the sleeping Greek god. “Coffee would be amazing now babe.”Frozen by his sudden command. That made me aware of something on my finger. Raising my hand up was the end. My sisters wedding ring was on my ring finger. Glaring at me  as the sunlight caught the diamante. I felt sick even faint. What happened last night?  Why am I wearing my sisters wedding ring? The questions flew through my mind at the speed of light.

As I turn back to the man still in bed my puzzled face, with eyes going from him to the ring.

“What’s wrong babe?”

“What is this?” Pointing to my finger.

“We got hitched last night.” He said that without blinking.

“With my sister’s wedding band?!”

“You gave the rings. So I don’t know.”

running my hand over my face trying to think about the night before but there was to many gapes to fill in.

“So how about that coffee.”

“You can get that yourself.” I was irritated and confused. What have I done? I have my sister’s ring on my finger and is married to a guy I don’t even remember or know. Looking for all my things to get some indication on what happened the previous night.

His eyes followed me all over the room while I searched for my things.

“What are you looking at?” I snapped after a few minutes.

“At my wife.”

“I am not your wife”

“Well we have the marriage certificate and had the ceremony last night.”

“I don’t remember. I don’t even remember your name. So how could we be married if I can’t even remember your name.”

“Wesley,” He murmured rolling out of bed

“What?” I asked confused. What did he say?

“The name is Wesley Amherst. Ms Amherst.” He was straitening up to his full body length that made my eyes travel over his back down to his bare ass. Making its path to his strong thighs. snapping back up as he turns to look at me.

Ice blue eyes take mine hostage for a few seconds before I turned away blushing. What have I done? Where did I get this man? Where was I last night? Why did I get married?

To be continued