Crushing on someone….. why it can’t work and is there love out there????

Finally getting time to write and it feels like ages since I have last been on this site. So quick recap on what has been going on.

Work. Work. Work and ..uhm work. Welcome to my dull life.

 

hiii_zpsfafd1b13

Okay I am admitting it. I have a crush and it is making me go mad inside out…

The problem is it is NEVER going to work. How do I know this? Cause I do have eyes and I can see that if there was a mere chance of this being something it would end in disaster.

When people encourage the fact that you might feel something for someone more than friends, don’t go on it cause stalking is WEIRDstalking-cat-o

May it be on a online or in real life. It can be seen as not harmful but sooner or later it may cause you to over annualized and  over react when that person is near. Trying to be near to him/her when you share company. often looking their way to see a glimpse of what you think you want more than anything. Freaking out to never be near you again is the end result.

Now for the person being stalked, it is flattering in the beginning then it begins so become a hassle to live with before getting scary like some of the shows on CRIME CHANNEL. My BFF tried to kill me. Stalkers. How-I-Met-Your-Mother

Scary as in they begin to think that you are capable of that if it is not stopped, but the bad thing about this is that it is done in the wrong ways 70% of the time.

Taking in consideration that each and every situation is different it all comes to the same point. Do you really want to be the WEIRDO and outcast of everybody.

There are so many ways of stalking it is scary to think it is happening every second of everyday. It might be you or your best friend or some stranger doing it. So take caution and think before you take crushing on someone to the next level.tumblr_ld5pilcmQw1qaxdato1_500

Back to the part of people/friends telling you that your crush has feelings for you after they find out about the crush bit. It is astoundingly the worst advice someone can give you but it is kind of reassurance that you are not in a bottomless pit. I have given that speech about a few times that time will tell and so on but in the end. What matters most is that if you guys were meant to be it would happen.

1_rehearsal-fasc

Don’t push the envelope cause you can’t wait for the RIGHT ONE, you might find that you can burn easily. Other than disappointment there will be regret, shame and dread. But the heart ache always seems to last only for as long as you are still fascinated by that person. Until the next one comes along…

tumblr_m7wxu6TKqt1qgljuto1_500.gif

They say that falling in LOVE is like taking a leap and trusting that you don’t fall. But is crushing really love? Does it really compare to true love? Some have proved to me that when you fall in love with someone it can start with a crush and end in happy ever after. But that is like one 1 out of 7 that it can happen to (guessing here the number can be higher in the odds of it happening.)

So is it love or just FASCINATION? What is the difference? so I ask something different – why do people fall out of love so quickly? Is it because of mistaken fascination as love? Another why is Divorce rate so high over the world? Is it because of society placing the perfect wife or husband and people fall for image more than what their hearts want? Daily-Life-GIFs-20-Guy-Screaming-at-Another-Guy

Why do I need to fit in the cookie cutter? Be another clone to  become a Stepford wife. I have to say that people would use the word NORMAL now, but it is not normal? Sure we have the right to see who we want but it is all a lie. If it is not about social status it is about what you look like. What happen to don’t judge a book by its cover? Is it wrong for a girl that is a few pounds over weight or totally over weight to get the hot guy with muscles. And the geeky girl with glasses get the hot party guy. What about the science guy finding love with a hot model or a comic con guy finding it with a beauty queen. Or is it to remain fantasy for so many?

ANSWER.…. It wouldn’t work socially. Really!!! Do you know them all personally? Did you date one of them cause how can you tell me that it is not acceptable for any of these people that are seen as incompatible can’t date or even love? Social media has made it mostly impossible for more than half the world to function without the guideline about who to date and what to avoid.

urlDating…. Social media and networks are the future dating sites. You don’t need to go out on a date to get to know someone. just login and STALK their profile. Easy fast and best place to avoid any awkward moments or even taking the risk of finding true love.

“O no I wouldn’t date him look at his profile pic. And there is no selfies…. ”

Ahg don’t get it. Just cause he is not photogenic doesn’t mean he is not the person for you. What about you? Do you think you are online dating worthy? Is there not someone out there now looking at your profile and thinking that you are undated-able? How would you know?

Or….

Do you Like the face to face date that makes everything WORTH going through? That just maybe love will come unexpectedly…. world-without-wb-one-tree-hill-rain-2

So the big question now is how do you KNOW if it is love or just a crush?

Think about it………

———————————————————————————————————

“It’s like I’m thirteen again and he’s my crush. All I’m aware of in this entire roomful of people is him. Where he is, what he’s doing, who he’s talking to.”
Sophie Kinsella, Remember Me?

“He barely knew I existed. I knew some of the same people he knew, but I was a girl in the background, several degrees of seperation removed.”
Rick Yancey, The 5th Wave

“Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.”
Hilary Duff

“…we’re all fucking Duffs.”
(Designated Ugly Fat Friend)
“I’m not the Duff,” Wesley said confidently.
“That’s because you don’t have friends.” (Bianca)
“Oh. Right.”

Kody Keplinger, The DUFF: Designated Ugly Fat Friend

Advertisements

2014 What a way to start

So time has flown past so fast and the short holiday that I had was to short to even notice.

But true to the new year And celebrations we did enjoy it.

Just a short entry I have a lot to do  before the weekend.  But A update none the less.

 

When life has so many unexpected events happening in your life that it feels like you going to drown in the sea of expectations. It felt like that to me. I was thrown into the deep end of this. everyone expected me to swim. each thing that hit me made me feel like sinking. I wanted to give up and drown. Drown in sorrow and sadness. Feeling the feelings of despair and  unsuccessful emotions. But somehow I kept going something made me want to keep going. Even if it was slowly.

So my planned holiday got canceled and the time I wanted to write, read and just do nothing was filled with unfortunate lists of things to do. So I was negative. Negative to everything.

Christmas past and to be honest it was just another day to me. This year it didn’t feel like the festive season.

New year was a blast. But still I was negative. Making it one of the least favorite new years.

What I then found to be is that I had a waist for a holiday. It made me grumpy and Agro at everything and everyone

If it wasn’t for friends and family I think I would have been a sour old lady before my short break was over. So after countless wining and chats I got to be positive about life.

I only saw the negative but when I counted my blessings I started to see that they are more than the bad.

God blessed me with so many things I could only go down on my knees and pray.

Don’t let the negative in life take over stop and look t what is positive in life. in your life

 

Happy – Well I am I think

HEYYYYYY!!!! I know it has been a while since my last post but I have been extremely busy. Really busy that if I got home at a decent hour I pass out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

So I have good news and I have good news. So the good news is that I am on the verge to write the end of my first book still ten thousand words but the end is near. It is the first book that I will have written and finished. Just so you know I have put half of it on wattpad.POP STAR PRINCESS, go check it out and feel free to comment.

Then I am one of the co-writers of IN TOO DEEP. And I am loving it please go read and vote. So that is the good news.

77caabda28166972820958f84837c290_zpsb0671947

I know not that exiting but sure a big turn in my life. Just wanted to share my happiness with all.

People have different points of view

One thing in life we all can be thankful for is that we are not the same if we were this life will be one boring lifestyle.

But with the difference in  personalties, tastes and cultures we some how find things in common with each other. That is where I got the most diverse group of friends from.

Lets start with my oldest and dearest friend  – we are like opposites from what kind of food we like to the kind of music. I like country she like shard rock and roll. Not likely a pair to put together but we can talk for hours on end.

Then I have  her brother as a friend too with his boyfriend. That is totally out of my comfort zone when I am with this two. But I love them both and even if the only thing we have in common is drinking then so be it. (joking we actually have more things to talk about then me and his sister.

Not forgetting my two other friends that are like my sisters. this relationship was one for the books and might I say I saw this one coming a mile away. Two people that have been in my life for unpredictable time found love after a party that made a few people climb out of the closet.

My crazy 82 friends. both born in the same year and month separated by only 6 days – they keep me on my toes and let me tell you I am the youngest of the group but sure as hell the most responsible one. compared to these two.

My one 82 brother is also part of these weird and wacky group of friends and being almost the oldest in the group he is kind of the educator and grumpy one. He would have us all laughing and entertained at some stage of a get together.

Then there is his girlfriend/ don’t really know if it is so. She came into the group a few months ago. We have a lot in common with reading, movies and music.

That is just the start of my group of friends, close friends.

They might be weird funny grumpy or just insane, but they are friends I will never exchange.tumblr_lm579dEk9z1qzkejg

Is it so difficult to grow up?

I was reminded the other day of childhood when the only worries you had was if your best friend is coming for a visit and if there was enough chocolate chip cookies to go around.

But since then it seems to become more intense, more responsibilities and more worries. We talked about the show we use to watch on TV. What games we use to play outside. And the only new technology  gadget was a toy  that had a light or could change color or make a new sound.

mythoughtsI want to be that kid again. The world has me thinking that being an adult has more con’s then pro’s. But we all age and grow up with time having our own troubled lives (some are just more than others.)  We go from no worries to relationship worries to life worries. The biggest worries in high school was did that person notice me? Is that person the one? What would they think about me if they knew? What am I suppose to do?

Life gets harder and we grow apart from our childhood dreams. I relies-ed I have grown so much that the slightest childish thing gets me boiling inside. I feel I don’t need to cope with it and it scares me to think a few years back I was that childish one and I irritated someone to a point that I could get a hiding.

ACT YOUR AGE NOT YOUR SHOE SIZE

I have heard that countless times and have said it to many times to people around me.

brittI Know I should judge but sometimes it gets hard to not think something about a person. I have great friends or rather a great ” family “. We see each other daily and talk about everything. But the thing is we are total opposites and that makes us unique I guess.  And honestly I get irritated with some (not good) I am the youngest in the group and being the youngest some think I am the childish one and the one that will irritated the living hell out of my friends.(Maybe I do I don’t know).

I know I am more matured than most my age and it kind of frustrates me to interact with people that don’t get me. I am not cynical about it or them. I love my friends and will do anything for them. I just sometimes feel I am on a whole different level of thinking with some of them. They still stay my friends no matter what.

Everybody grows up different ways some have to work all their life and others get born with the silver spoon. All in all we grow up and move on to a new chapters in our life. But sometimes the transfer from child to adult doesn’t seem to happen at all for some.

Trust me – I have lied

319578-always_lie_lying_now

Searching deep inside I know I have told my fair share of lies, be they big or small everyone have done this at some point in their life. Be it to protect someone or them selfs. Pulling on the short end of the stick is never a good thing or feeling. And telling that lie just may prevent you from being at the short end.

Lies don’t hurt you after you told them. With time lies get a way of coming out and then the price must be paid. Never have I met someone that could lie and remember what he lied about weeks even months later. Being a liar is natural to some and they could lie without even blinking. How much brain capacity do you use when you must remember every single lie and truth?

So why am I doing a piece on my blog about lies and secrets?House-No-Lies-house-md-561420_1680_1050

Answer is simple. In the last few weeks of my life there has been someone that I trusted a lot and would of defended till my dying day. A friend that has been part of my life for years now. That lied and Deceived so many others and when the truth showed up this person was nowhere to be found. People ask way others don’t trust so easily forgetting what that person has gone through in their life. The bull s#*@t going around is more than the truth.

The word has made it self a place where lies are welcome and truths are withheld. 382593045_1362280171

After we found out what this friend had done we were shocked and ashamed by it. Even tough we did nothing wrong. We started to look back to everything that happened over the last few years and the lies started to pop up all over the place. the truth made more sense now than the lies that have been told over the time period of months. We became casuist to see if she stopped and traps where set to catch this friend out and maybe just maybe get the truth out.

thumb

But as the time went the lies became more. Lied till there was no more way out. right into the corner with all the lies everywhere. This person was caught and tried to lie their way out of it only to be swallowed deeper into the black hole of lies.I know we are not one perfect and far from it. But lies don’t make life easier in fact it complicates everything.

We learned through this experience that even the person you trust the most can lie. Pinocchio

Snow angels don’t come out perfect – short story continue

continue…

The flight went on better than I would imagine. With no other disasters to fill my all ready long list we landed in France (city name). The short ride to the cabin was over flown with plan making from the parents. Making it clear that we could do what we want but had to be present for dinner every night. I was not much into the idée of sharing my day to day doings but to keep the mood happy I agreed to the many rules. Quietly making my own mental list of rules as the excitement in the SUV build amongst the parents.ec099442b430c6bc2b9153595eec396b

  1. Try not to make a fool of myself
  2. Be cool and collected
  3. Get a romantic affair going with a guy
  4. Get Al out of my head
  5. Lock bathroom door when occupied in it.
  6. Get as much time on the snow

Feeling more in control with myself and what laid before me in the next three weeks I got excited for the first time on this trip. Not letting myself waist the time I get to do something I love the most. Snowboarding.  Dad taught me everything I could possible be able to know and on that board I am not weird Amy or clumsy Amy. I am extreme Amy.

“I can’t believe we are finally here. Now to get things going, Amelia” The use of my full name was my dad’s way to warn me. “I would like to talk to you after you unpacked.” “Yes Dad.” I walked down the hallway to my room. Feeling a little jet lagged was not stopping me to get dressed more warmly for my first snow date. I wanted badly to get out there and feel freedom.

“Amelia, I know you are not at all happy with this vacation but please try to make it enjoyable. And knowing you well I am not going to preach about it long. But before you go and make fools of the other boarders. Please be save and I love you. Okay.”

“I love you too Dad. Thank you I will try to do so.”

Almost racing for the door to get my freedom I craved for just to be stopped. Celia (Allen’s mom) wanted help with some groceries that the keeper of the house bought. ‘Argh. Why’ Reluctant I went to help. Freedom was only inches away. Before she could think to give me more work I was out the door yelling over my shoulder “I shall be back for dinner.” images

Dating my best friend is not that hard, I think?

After the party and the amazing snogging under the oak tree.I was sure that my heart made its decision on who it truly loved. Fred was taking me on our first date. I was kind of nerves and checking the clock now and again. Wondering why time is going so slowly.

The drive to the movie was silent and felt awkward but when one of my favorite songs started playing on the radio I just had to sing along. He starting laughing and I was blushing like a red robot light. I wanted to talk but the butterflies in me was giving me trills and my tong being totally twisted didn’t help either. Some how it was strange to go from friends to boy/girlfriend. Looking for some sign that this was not a mistake. The feeling inside me is still new and made me scared to tell him everything. How did we move so quick from telling each other everything to  simple “Hey”.

Worrying about what is really going on I didn’t notice that we where at the cinema. When I came to open the door for me I snapped back to reality taking the hand that he was holding out for me with more blushing and soft “Thank you” whisper. Not letting me go he pulled me back against him. Lowering his head I just closed my eyes. Waiting for his lips to touch mine. Feeling his breath as he says “Relax” before taking my mouth hostage. WOW my toes are curling and my heart is like a racehorse going fast. Not wanting him to let go I pull him closer to deepen the kiss.

If it was up to me I would have not moved but he leaded me to the movie. I am still craving his lips to be on mine. Through the movie he placed his arms around my shoulders tacking me in by his side. I felt his fingers playing with my hair or rubbing my shoulder. His other hand found mine and was playing with my fingers. I guess he has no idea what this little bit of touching does to my body. Reminding myself that we are in a public place was not helping the need for him  to touch my lips.

It felt like ages when the end was showing and don’t even ask me what the movie was I would have to lie because I don’t remember. I rushed him on so we could get out of there. I wanted him all alone my mind was losing control and I wanted to kiss him like there is no tomorrow. He saw my eye’s and smiled. A devilish smile. No! what! wait!  Just kiss me all ready.

Making out in the drive way was not that romantic but sure as hell beats not being kissed by this guy. Letting go was not an option.

Party – kissing under the oak tree – Continue

With my heart doing somersaults and my eyes big from the fright that the curl of his mouth caught my attention immediately.  Kissable lips that would make a girl crave more of its touch when lingering inch from her own lips. Feeling a blush taking my cool collected look out of play. He had said something but my mind was not functioning at all. It made a small effort but all I could think and wanted to do is kiss him. In my head Sebastian was singing  ‘kiss the boy’ (little mermaid.)tumblr_m56k90bZ0D1ruviz3o1_500

And some how Ted had join our group without me even noticing. His shoulder was rubbing softly against mine while turning to listen to Fred or the other guy that seemed familiar. It didn’t bother him at all, standing so close. Yet he is so far.  When all of their eyes were on me I was turning redder not knowing what was said. I was wishing that the earth would swallow me at that moment. Laughter filled the room and Ted’s arm was draped over my shoulders. Holding me tight to his side.  Feeling save and so right to be under his wing. Just hoping he doesn’t feel my body shaking and trembling from his touch. The sound of my name made me frown.

Who would dare take me out of my dream when it was getting so good. Except it was not a dream and with a puzzled look at the person calling me the spell was broken. The girl that had been so rude to take me from paradise dream to reality was non other then Ted’s ex girl friend.

If looks could kill I would have been dead right there. She gave everyone, one of her perfect fake smile  and with husky voice called Ted’s attention to her. I am burning up inside just  from her lack of humanity. She could charm the whole lot with perfect words and looks. Not even caring who she hurts in the proses.

Fred was now close to me and with his hand covering – the now open space where Ted’s arm was – my neck. Fingers rubbing soft against my hair. Just another shot of shivers went down my spine. Good grief it felt like my body is on fire. I felt a soft push at my back. Fred was talking and taking me outside. I listened while he talked, taking in what he felt and feeling his body so close made me want to kiss him. Before he could finish what he wanted to say I laid a finger on his lips replacing them with my lips seconds later. new-girl-cooler-jess-nick-kiss-gif-bw
Second kiss was even better then the first (at least for me). Kissing under the oak tree, where we played years before. in witch we build forts and learned to dance. he deepened the kiss before pulling away to look at me. Our eyes met.

Could it be that I have been blind by Friend zoning  some one like Fred or was I just to determent to have Ted that I had not notice my best friend?

Party – kissing under the oak tree

Round2 – When I looked at myself in the mirror my heart was racing all over again. The tingle in my lips where there as if he just kissed me. My best friend kissed me just days ago (Lets make it easy his name will be Fred aka best friend) His cousin invited me just minutes ago to a party. (will call him Ted aka Cousin and crush)

900x900px-LL-80669158_funny-gif-no-no-no-Jason-Bateman

What did I get myself into. I can’t say a love triangle even if it may sound like it but I have no idea what Ted feels for me and not even thinking of Fred. My whole world was turned upside down with that kiss. Why had it effected me so much. Pulling at my hair and curling them once more. Wearing jeans and a shirt I made my way to the party. I felt like a teenager again all butterfly stomach and my heart was sitting in my throat making my gulp and swallow hard. Before I could change my mind some of our mutual friends was behind me talking and greeting. Almost like it is fate giving me a push to go through with all this.

After almost running to the restroom I caught a little bit of my breath and giving myself a pep talk was not really reassuring even coming from myself. My eyes searched for them not wanting to be confronted before I was even a slight bit better with my own thoughts and heart.

I was startled by a hand that landed on my shoulder. Fred!!

To be continued…