Comparing the old with the new?

Hey to all reading this,

I was at a party this weekend to celebrate not only my but also three of my friends birthdays…

But that is not what I am blogging about today. It was something that was said at the party that had me thinking. Do people compare their previous partner with there recent one and is there a possibility that people have a dating preference, like the check list but subconsciously.

My friend Anika and I talked about it for quite sometime that night and we came to the conclusion that there are patterns. Like I only dated guys that has a C in his name or begins with it. Where she finds guys attractive that has a h in there name. (Crush on them) and it is all subconscious as if your brain wants to find that letter and make a spark. kinds-of-lovers-300

Could it be that we have stumbled onto something that changes who we choose. So what does this mean? We have got to the point to say okay maybe this could be linked. What are odds that there is always the same letter in the name or that starts with it? one out of a billion right. So it can be, or can it? Can there be a pattern, making you choose one letter from the alphabet and that is search by your brain in the name and surname to feel more attracted to a person?

What if it is possible? you mind works hard and helps your heart to choose the right person. By taking a letter and making it a plus in the blood rising and tingles in your stomach?

I don’t know but am trying to find out.

Now I am baffled by all the info storming in my head from the total possible patterns that one person can have. The possible combinations and patterns that your brain can follow to choosing the right partner for you.

First one is the overall looks….ceac6c183be5c7e99d7457544612db26

You can deny it as much as you want but in the looks department everybody wants something that will attract them to their other half. And this list can be endless. (some want a Barbie or Ken looking person. Perfect on the outside.)

That list you made of the perfect man/woman.

Hair….. that what color, length, style etc.

Body…. type, shape, skin, length etc.

eyes, ears, mouth, nose, etc.

(Can you see the pattern here be it that the only thing resembling the previous partner may be eyes or hands but the fiscal pattern is as clear as daylight. be it like that guy only dates blonds or girls with tanned skin.)

But unfortunately we all have flaws, be it acne or one extra toe. Even thought it has that perfect vision of the perfect person you  might only get 80 or 20 percent of what you want. So you can’t get a hundred score here but does this  pattern not lean on the might date again cause you have got the looks I want in a partner but not the personality.

Personality pattern…..17rbhix1kqss5jpg

There are numerous things that can attract someone to your personality. Like you have the fun and loving personality that more can relate to than being shy and withdrawn but that is not all you have to show. People are socialists and for that to be satisfied we interact as a way to nurse our curiosity and fill the empty spaces made for others in our life.

(Can that be that people can only fall for what that person is on the inside or is it just a myth now that personality is everything.)

But the pattern is there even in the smallest way it is. Dating different people that either have a short temper or kindness in common. Do you really know what kind of personality you like? Is it enough?

Now what we have two persons. One with the looks and the other has the personality. Witch do you choose?

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This is only a few options of patterns that I have gone through. Like the letter or name of a person there is the months or numbers (date or birth year or even age) another study that can be thrown into the batch.

What is the month that has the most of your ex – partners in it. be it anniversary or birthday or when you met. think about it? could this be another pattern we use to meat the one.Calendar_0Now there is one pattern that I know some people have used more than anything. Star sign compatibility. You might think o yes that has been more than effective for thousands of couples over the years but is it really as effective that you can find your partner. So the great search begins. can any of these help with finding the one?

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So I am testing my own thing here and got the following conclusion ( TAKE NOTE THAT EVERYTHING HAS BEEN CALCULATED TO MY PAST RELATIONSHIPS  AND CRUSHES)

Letter assosiated with more than 60% of guys I have dated?         C

Body type etc – looks (my preferences)?         lean, brown hair, hazel brown eyes, sexy hands etc.

Comparison to the looks  _ Lean and brown hair

Personality?  Fun, loving, extrovert, artist, talkative etc

Comparison to the personality?  Fun, extrovert and artist.

Month in common?  March – either started dating or their birthday was then

Number?  Only pattern  that had me thinking. what did it have and the nr 3 came forward.

Star sign compatibility….. Pisces and Aries

Now thrown together will it be a way to get the perfect match?url

The pattern becomes more and more complicated when throw together and the possible outcomes are endless.

Might this be an endless search or are we on to discovering a way to make many lives easier?

 

Crushing on someone….. why it can’t work and is there love out there????

Finally getting time to write and it feels like ages since I have last been on this site. So quick recap on what has been going on.

Work. Work. Work and ..uhm work. Welcome to my dull life.

 

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Okay I am admitting it. I have a crush and it is making me go mad inside out…

The problem is it is NEVER going to work. How do I know this? Cause I do have eyes and I can see that if there was a mere chance of this being something it would end in disaster.

When people encourage the fact that you might feel something for someone more than friends, don’t go on it cause stalking is WEIRDstalking-cat-o

May it be on a online or in real life. It can be seen as not harmful but sooner or later it may cause you to over annualized and  over react when that person is near. Trying to be near to him/her when you share company. often looking their way to see a glimpse of what you think you want more than anything. Freaking out to never be near you again is the end result.

Now for the person being stalked, it is flattering in the beginning then it begins so become a hassle to live with before getting scary like some of the shows on CRIME CHANNEL. My BFF tried to kill me. Stalkers. How-I-Met-Your-Mother

Scary as in they begin to think that you are capable of that if it is not stopped, but the bad thing about this is that it is done in the wrong ways 70% of the time.

Taking in consideration that each and every situation is different it all comes to the same point. Do you really want to be the WEIRDO and outcast of everybody.

There are so many ways of stalking it is scary to think it is happening every second of everyday. It might be you or your best friend or some stranger doing it. So take caution and think before you take crushing on someone to the next level.tumblr_ld5pilcmQw1qaxdato1_500

Back to the part of people/friends telling you that your crush has feelings for you after they find out about the crush bit. It is astoundingly the worst advice someone can give you but it is kind of reassurance that you are not in a bottomless pit. I have given that speech about a few times that time will tell and so on but in the end. What matters most is that if you guys were meant to be it would happen.

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Don’t push the envelope cause you can’t wait for the RIGHT ONE, you might find that you can burn easily. Other than disappointment there will be regret, shame and dread. But the heart ache always seems to last only for as long as you are still fascinated by that person. Until the next one comes along…

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They say that falling in LOVE is like taking a leap and trusting that you don’t fall. But is crushing really love? Does it really compare to true love? Some have proved to me that when you fall in love with someone it can start with a crush and end in happy ever after. But that is like one 1 out of 7 that it can happen to (guessing here the number can be higher in the odds of it happening.)

So is it love or just FASCINATION? What is the difference? so I ask something different – why do people fall out of love so quickly? Is it because of mistaken fascination as love? Another why is Divorce rate so high over the world? Is it because of society placing the perfect wife or husband and people fall for image more than what their hearts want? Daily-Life-GIFs-20-Guy-Screaming-at-Another-Guy

Why do I need to fit in the cookie cutter? Be another clone to  become a Stepford wife. I have to say that people would use the word NORMAL now, but it is not normal? Sure we have the right to see who we want but it is all a lie. If it is not about social status it is about what you look like. What happen to don’t judge a book by its cover? Is it wrong for a girl that is a few pounds over weight or totally over weight to get the hot guy with muscles. And the geeky girl with glasses get the hot party guy. What about the science guy finding love with a hot model or a comic con guy finding it with a beauty queen. Or is it to remain fantasy for so many?

ANSWER.…. It wouldn’t work socially. Really!!! Do you know them all personally? Did you date one of them cause how can you tell me that it is not acceptable for any of these people that are seen as incompatible can’t date or even love? Social media has made it mostly impossible for more than half the world to function without the guideline about who to date and what to avoid.

urlDating…. Social media and networks are the future dating sites. You don’t need to go out on a date to get to know someone. just login and STALK their profile. Easy fast and best place to avoid any awkward moments or even taking the risk of finding true love.

“O no I wouldn’t date him look at his profile pic. And there is no selfies…. ”

Ahg don’t get it. Just cause he is not photogenic doesn’t mean he is not the person for you. What about you? Do you think you are online dating worthy? Is there not someone out there now looking at your profile and thinking that you are undated-able? How would you know?

Or….

Do you Like the face to face date that makes everything WORTH going through? That just maybe love will come unexpectedly…. world-without-wb-one-tree-hill-rain-2

So the big question now is how do you KNOW if it is love or just a crush?

Think about it………

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“It’s like I’m thirteen again and he’s my crush. All I’m aware of in this entire roomful of people is him. Where he is, what he’s doing, who he’s talking to.”
Sophie Kinsella, Remember Me?

“He barely knew I existed. I knew some of the same people he knew, but I was a girl in the background, several degrees of seperation removed.”
Rick Yancey, The 5th Wave

“Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.”
Hilary Duff

“…we’re all fucking Duffs.”
(Designated Ugly Fat Friend)
“I’m not the Duff,” Wesley said confidently.
“That’s because you don’t have friends.” (Bianca)
“Oh. Right.”

Kody Keplinger, The DUFF: Designated Ugly Fat Friend

Happy – Well I am I think

HEYYYYYY!!!! I know it has been a while since my last post but I have been extremely busy. Really busy that if I got home at a decent hour I pass out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

So I have good news and I have good news. So the good news is that I am on the verge to write the end of my first book still ten thousand words but the end is near. It is the first book that I will have written and finished. Just so you know I have put half of it on wattpad.POP STAR PRINCESS, go check it out and feel free to comment.

Then I am one of the co-writers of IN TOO DEEP. And I am loving it please go read and vote. So that is the good news.

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I know not that exiting but sure a big turn in my life. Just wanted to share my happiness with all.

The exemption to the rule

For those who haven’t seen the movie – He’s just not that into you. (please go watch it) It opens up so many unanswered  questions for both men and women.

Do-you-know-how-bored-i-was-todayOkay yes it is not everyones cup of tea. Or even the sort movie you would normally watch. But it made somethings clear to me and I would like to share my thoughts on this to you.59ec2efcdd982154e75957d750bfb48e

1.  That thing we are taught from a young age boys/girls hurt you cause they like you are some what true (in the movie you see the girl’s mother saying that the boy likes her that is why he did it). 90% of all romance novels, novellas and movies are based on this theses of boy meets girl, boy hurts girl. Girl falls in love with boy. finally ending boy kiss girl. It is actually brilliant. this simple concept is used to brainwash every over emotional girl into thinking. O that guy has the hots for me that is way he is insulting me, He doesn’t want to look uncool. Visa versa. It happens to guys as well.But in reality it doesn’t work like that. he/she likes you or not.tumblr_ld5pilcmQw1qaxdato1_500

2.   Search for signs that that person is interested. What signs? Come on he/she is flirting with you or not. So the guy/girl comes to you with smoke signals and sign language. If interest is shown you get to read the signs quit clearly. trust me, on this one. everybody can read that language. except some people do read it wrong.url

3.   Despite everything desperate partner seeking is so general now you can’t believe it from personal adverts on sites to speed dating. Don’t be shy we have all tried it once. what has happened to meeting the person you going to be with for the rest of your life the old fashion way?

4.  Social circle… Something that you get divided into when having friends. Classed and separated by social structure and demand. You are recognized by the company you keep.tumblr_m93568GsT91rp6xcfo1_400

5.  It doesn’t matter how you look on the outside what matters are what is inside. This has to be the most used line on any website dating service around the world. When did it ever became about your personality other then your looks? people say things like that but don’t mean them. i take from personal experience guy will be all over you because you are so cute and easy to talk to until they get a glimpse of what you look like (don’t deny it girls you are precisely the same with guys) Then it is come hell or high water they cover their tracks and disappear.2url

6. When the thought of being alone for the rest of your life makes you take option one – marry the guy or girl you dating for longer than a year it may be your only chance to get hitched. Really think this through People say there is many fish in the sea and still get married to the person that they fancied to look back at their life and feel it was a total waist. Affairs form and divorce is not that far behind.1url

We are social beings and we need to have that one person we share our life with. It is in our DNA.

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My best friends wedding!!!

So on the 14th of September 2013 was a date we all were looking for ward to.6a00d8341bfa6953ef0147e30aef37970b-500wi

The wedding we have all been waiting for has final arrived and the thing that makes it something to see forward to and be afraid of is my friend Framay. She is not a typical bride. My friendship with her started years ago when a mutual friend of ours wanted to have a good party. And since then we haven’t looked back. I could write a book on all our little adventures and parties, but this weekend was all about her and Rene. Finally she has found her Dogtanian. (long story short it was a group thing with the three musketeers)

Like I mentioned Framay is not you typical bride. She has to be the most diverse  person I have ever met in my whole life up till now. This was no ordinary wedding I can assure you that. From when the church bells ranged to ending the night in the guest house enjoying a last drink with the married couple. it was surprise after surprise.

I really enjoyed it from the moment we landed at the reception area till in the early hours of the next day enjoying the last drink. It was interesting to see and be part of such a wedding.

In the beginning we were not that into the whole game playing at a wedding reception but as the first game past and the ice was broken we went on and enjoyed so many more games. from switch shoes to guess the bride and guess the groom it made every one more relaxed. I actually got to mingle with people that I just met. (I am not that out going quite shy)

But ending the night dancing and celebrating my best friends wedding was something I would do again.

We can do no great things;
only small things 

with great love.

~ Mother Teresa ~

 

Love, love…. O no

_~_Mandy_~_I know it has been a while since my last post but due to good reason

I have been busy the last couple of weeks with my best friends wedding, My sisters Matric farewell(Prom) and my mother’s surprise birthday party. So had hardly any time for myself. Now that things have settled down and I can have a few moments to recap and rethink everything.  Sometime ago my life was turned up side down by a guy that shall not have a name due to knowledge of knowing it is him I will have to change my name and move away.

But with my life on the roller coaster ride from emotions going through me I can not make the right decisions at all.

To start at the beginning is to track back years and years ago when two kids didn’t know what real love is. And growing up and seeing each other on a daily basis didn’t stir the love pot yet.

Something made that vial drop, making me want him more then I want him to be my friend.

Why is it him that makes my heart race? Couldn’t it be someone else. Okay so being the whole drama avoidance squad I tried to make it seem like everything is okay. With out any success. he picked up on my discomfort and distance seconds after I arrived to one of the normal get together. That is how well he knows me. I swear if i wasn’t so afraid of what he might think I would have opened my mouth and sealed the deal with a kiss. But being me I shut it up and tried not to attract attention to my dilemma.new-girl-cooler-jess-nick-kiss-gif-bw

He still acted normal around me for long after I relies-ed I have more then friendship in mind with him. What if this is one sided? It has one through my mind countless times . To make things worse I have been in his presence a lot over the last few weeks more and more I get that I might be falling hard for a friend that I have always thought of as a brother.

Love comes in different shapes and sizes. It comes when you least expect it to happen to you. I have maid the mistake to walk away from the person I liked so much to prevent heart ache for myself. I don’t want to walk away from these feelings, I really don’t but what if this is just one sided and I loose him forever?

tumblr_md3lle9nnF1qdajj1o1_500I Only have one thing that I a scared of and the thing that scares me most is rejection.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”

Bucket list

220px-Bucket_list_posterWhen I saw this movie a few years ago and again resonantly. I got to thinking. We go through life day by day wishing the time to go fast so we can get home from work or school. Have lists of so much more things we need to do that it gets to the point we wish that time over so it can be done. Wishing your day away.

I asked myself what was my dreams a few years ago and I couldn’t name one. I have lost touch of me and who I wanted to be. So I decided to make  a list of things I want to accomplish before I have no more time left to enjoy life.

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My Bucket list. ( just a few from the already long list and they are in not in a specific order)

1  adopting-before-i-die-bucketlist-cut1 adventure-before-i-die-bucketlist-perfectbucketlist-rain-Favim.com-240972 beach-before-i-die-bucket-list-bucketlist-kiss-Favim.com-274857 before-i-die4_180414683_188269849 before-i-die-before-you-die-bikini-bucket-list-Favim.com-758067 before-i-die-blog-bucket-list-love-mall-Favim.com-322460 before-i-die-bucket-list-bucketlist-eiffel-tower-paris-Favim.com-274854 before-i-die-bucket-list-car-dream-follow-Favim.com-282899 before-i-die-bucket-list-car-life-text-Favim.com-300139 before-i-die-bucket-list-castle-cinderella-dearbucketlist-Favim.com-423341_large before-i-die-bucket-list-castle-dearbucketlist-Favim.com-449845 before-i-die-bucket-list-change-friends-Favim.com-686820.jpg before-i-die-bucket-list-couple-fashion-Favim.com-516815 before-i-die-bucket-list-day-seattle-Favim.com-716582 before-i-die-bucket-list-dearbucketlist-guitar-instrument-Favim.com-428361 before-i-die-bucket-list-food-Favim.com-248130 before-i-die-bucket-list-love-piano-text-Favim.com-325448 before-i-die-bucket-list-photography-quote-Favim.com-516798 bfd3 big-ben-before-i-die-bucket-list-bus-Favim.com-736457 images images2

MEET THE STIG AND TOP GEAR PRESENTERS

MEET THE STIG AND TOP GEAR PRESENTERS

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So much more that I want to do with my life and I hope you do to.

I have my bucket list sorted and have started almost immediately.  I Have accomplished a few goals like learning how to dance and teach someone something they didn’t know.

Is there still unfinished business that you still want to do?

Is it so difficult to grow up?

I was reminded the other day of childhood when the only worries you had was if your best friend is coming for a visit and if there was enough chocolate chip cookies to go around.

But since then it seems to become more intense, more responsibilities and more worries. We talked about the show we use to watch on TV. What games we use to play outside. And the only new technology  gadget was a toy  that had a light or could change color or make a new sound.

mythoughtsI want to be that kid again. The world has me thinking that being an adult has more con’s then pro’s. But we all age and grow up with time having our own troubled lives (some are just more than others.)  We go from no worries to relationship worries to life worries. The biggest worries in high school was did that person notice me? Is that person the one? What would they think about me if they knew? What am I suppose to do?

Life gets harder and we grow apart from our childhood dreams. I relies-ed I have grown so much that the slightest childish thing gets me boiling inside. I feel I don’t need to cope with it and it scares me to think a few years back I was that childish one and I irritated someone to a point that I could get a hiding.

ACT YOUR AGE NOT YOUR SHOE SIZE

I have heard that countless times and have said it to many times to people around me.

brittI Know I should judge but sometimes it gets hard to not think something about a person. I have great friends or rather a great ” family “. We see each other daily and talk about everything. But the thing is we are total opposites and that makes us unique I guess.  And honestly I get irritated with some (not good) I am the youngest in the group and being the youngest some think I am the childish one and the one that will irritated the living hell out of my friends.(Maybe I do I don’t know).

I know I am more matured than most my age and it kind of frustrates me to interact with people that don’t get me. I am not cynical about it or them. I love my friends and will do anything for them. I just sometimes feel I am on a whole different level of thinking with some of them. They still stay my friends no matter what.

Everybody grows up different ways some have to work all their life and others get born with the silver spoon. All in all we grow up and move on to a new chapters in our life. But sometimes the transfer from child to adult doesn’t seem to happen at all for some.

O My Gosh – fell in love again.

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Friday night  Alibi

In the wealthy town of Sundale, Kelli Pinkins has hatched the perfect plan to capitalize on her sweet reputation. For a generous fee, she will be every trust-fund baby’s dream: a Friday-night alibi, the “girlfriend” or “BFF” that parents dream about. With college approaching in the fall, Kelli’s services are in demand more than ever, which means that her social life is nonexistent. But Kelli is A-okay with that. She’s raking in cash for school. Besides, relationships are tricky, and sometimes very messy. She’d rather be at home on Xbox LIVE, anyway. Then the unexpected happens: She meets college stud Chase Maroney.
Chase isn’t like the preppy, privileged guys Kelli usually meets in Sundale. For starters, he’s twentysomething, always wears black., and he shoots back one-liners as fast as she can dish them out. But Kelli’s attempts to drive Chase away falter when she realizes that he treats her like he really knows her, like he cares about knowing her. When Kelli finally gives in to the delicious kiss she’s been fighting for so long, she faces a tough decision: make Chase a real-life boyfriend and risk her heart . . . or keep her clients and lose her first true love.
*Blurb from Goodreads*
 
 
 

So I have been saving a few pennies just to buy this book and I am not disappointed that I spend it. Well done to Cassie Mae. Just like Reasons I was caught reading till the book was done. (little sleep but so worth it). Friday Night Alibi is a lightweight, entertaining read for anybody who likes YA.

Aside from the clever Friday Night Alibi scheme, the plot line is simple—a cat and mouse game between a teenage boy and girl and the make out session that ensues once they finally connect.

Cassie brings the town of Sundale alive, a Utopia where every family is wealthy, all the kids have trust funds, and everyone is a Christian. As to be expected in a world that will never be perfect, the characters are shallow and gauche and hypocritical.

But after Kelli Pinkins meets Chase Moroney under the worst of circumstances, they launch into a series of plots against one another. As much as she detests him, she can’t deny the chemistry that exists between them. You can imagine Kelli’s surprise when she learns that Chase is her Friday night Xbox buddy, the stranger she trusted with the secret of her alibi business.

Maybe just love happens unsuspectingly.

4/5

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Sneak Peak into Pop star Princess

 

“I am sitting here with one of the world’s famous pop stars. Alex.” The audience started clapping as the camera sifted from Jenna Holmen to me. I have done this more than I could count on both my hands. Fame is not everything it is cut out to be. I just smile and ‘thank you for having me’ comes out all too natural.

“So Alex, this has been quite the year for you. And to top it off I hear we are in for more?”

I turn my body in the comfy chair towards the sea of people watching my every action with smiles.

“Ah Jenna, yes this was a good year. And it is not done yet by my count. There are still a lot going on like the whole Europe tour and the recording of two more songs on my new album due to be released in the New Year.”

She looks from me to the audience raising her hands before she almost screams “WOW”

“That is amazing this would be the fifth album recorded and released by GNA records?”

“Yes, they still seem happy with me.” I smiled a big smile with saying these words. It is true if they were not happy I would be back home doing other things then singing.

The interview went on for another half an hour. Before Jenna announced that the audience have received a gift certificate for some product. I was thanked for being here and sharing my news with everyone.

Walking off stage never felt this good. As I get back stage my PA gives me bottle water and answers my phone. The sooner I can get this getup off the better. Today is one of those days that I am not into being the Pop star. I don’t even want to be seen for the poster girl for glamour make up or majestic perfume.

“It is your sister Alex” Mari was holding the phone against her chest looking me as she broke my line of thought.

“Tell her I will call her back in a half hour when I am home save. We need to get moving.”She nodded and I turned away. I made my way to the assigned dresser room. I shut the door behind me and pulled off the blond wig that was hiding my chocolate brown hair. Seeing myself in the tall mirror I wanted to cry. I have neglected me because of fame. Just because I am hard headed and wanted to show my family there is more to life than their way.

It is not that I hate my life but I hate the secrets and lies travelling with all of this. I need a break. I need a break from my two not so different worlds. Disappearing is becoming more appealing every day.

As my driver pulls up at the summer home, I choose for show as Alex super star’s place. The feeling of relieve made its way through me. The day was getting me down and now I still have to face my big sister over the phone.

Belle is not a person to mess with and I have had my fair deal of battle scars with her. Best way to avoid provocation is to agree to disagree or just to agree with her. She married Paul last year after he has been asking her hand in marriage for some years now. Being the youngest of six is not easy and being all girls it was even harder. There are a total of seventeen years between me and Belle. She is like the mother hen in the family since our parents past away few years ago, than there is Liza that is only two years younger than Belle. She is die brainy one has degrees in some science things. Don’t really know what it is cold again.

Mia has always been the sister that enjoyed a good story. Mia is about ten years older than me. Gina and Rose are like twins only a year apart in age. If you don’t know them personally you would think they are twins. They spend their time on many charity events. They have more charity events than anything else. I was born seven years after Rose. After me my parents stopped trying for a boy. I am not even going to say that they should have given up years before but after five girls you should have know.

Okay I am not being fair to my parents I need to get this out of my head and go call Belle before she rings again then I would be in big shit.

‘Big news on everybody’s lips is: Where is Princess Audrey? The last time the youngest of Winder royalty was spotted was on her twenty first birthday, four months ago. What has happened to her since then? We asked the monarchy about this with the only answer being she is well and is studying towards a degree.’

“Sorry Sis, for not taking your call immediately, the interview went on forever and I just had to get back to the house before I screamed.” I could almost hear her smile on the other end of the phone. She has always been supportive about me even if it is strange.

“It is okay, I know about days like today. I have quite a few up to now.”

“But on a lighter mood. How are nephews?” It is kind of funny to think my father had only daughters and his daughters have only sons.

Belle has three boys Phillip, Mario and Fender. Liza was not that fortunate she only has one boy Matthew. Mia got two sets of twin boys Andrew and Henry are the oldest. Mark and John are two months old now. Gina and Rose are pregnant few weeks apart but both are having boys.

“They are a handful but I love them to bits. Wish only you would come and visit more to see how they have grown.” She did have a way to put that in to sentence without blinking. I wish I could live a normal life as a pop star. But having the kind of family I do it is hard and complicated.

“I know I have been too busy with tours and recordings these past few weeks. I am planning on a visit after the Europe tour.” Silence fell and seemed to remain.

“Like hitting two birds with one stone then” I wish she would not look at it that way. But it kind of was like that.

“Sometimes you can make it seem worse than it really is you know. Belle I love you guys but I do have my own career and deadlines too.” I heard the sigh and almost her mental counting.

“I know, but it is hard. In the beginning it was not as demanding as now. I just wish it could be more like then than it is now.”

“I know Belle. And leaving would not be that easy I have thought about it. I love this and even when things are crazy like today or bad like it was today I still love it all.” I got al defensive cause any moment she will attack my career again. Even though she is behind me al the way, she doesn’t always approve of my choices.

“It is wishful thinking on my part sorry.” The silence fell again like so many times when we talk over the phone. It is like we don’t have much to say to each other.

“Bella, I miss you guys terribly, but my life has changed a lot over these five years.”

“We miss you too and really hope that you are visiting soon.” After the goodbyes I just sit look out the window.

Jeffrey was bringing a tray of snacks into the den where I was working on my grade paper and some new song material. I have been at it for what seemed like minutes but when I looked up it was past midday.

“Miss Alex, you have an appointment at seven with GNA records, dinner at Franco’s. Then at nine you are to be seen with Christian Evens at club Devoir.”

“Thank you Jeffrey.”

“And then your sister called again wanting to know why you have not called back about the dates.”

I looked up from the papers I was working on. Due only in October but with the tour and things I have to get it done before time and writing new material seemed to be out of my reach.

I wanted to scream the dates were the last thing I wanted to think about.

“Jeffrey. Thank you. I will call her now.”

The phone only had time for two rings before Mia’s voice was greeting me and giving me a lecture.

Mia needed to lecture everybody. She even does it with Belle. Sending her on her merry way was what I intended to do with rumbling of the few dates and checking if we agreed. When I finally ended the call I was drained. Having to deal with everything at work and school was tiring but putting my family in the mix was going to be the end of me.

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