Love, love…. O no

_~_Mandy_~_I know it has been a while since my last post but due to good reason

I have been busy the last couple of weeks with my best friends wedding, My sisters Matric farewell(Prom) and my mother’s surprise birthday party. So had hardly any time for myself. Now that things have settled down and I can have a few moments to recap and rethink everything.  Sometime ago my life was turned up side down by a guy that shall not have a name due to knowledge of knowing it is him I will have to change my name and move away.

But with my life on the roller coaster ride from emotions going through me I can not make the right decisions at all.

To start at the beginning is to track back years and years ago when two kids didn’t know what real love is. And growing up and seeing each other on a daily basis didn’t stir the love pot yet.

Something made that vial drop, making me want him more then I want him to be my friend.

Why is it him that makes my heart race? Couldn’t it be someone else. Okay so being the whole drama avoidance squad I tried to make it seem like everything is okay. With out any success. he picked up on my discomfort and distance seconds after I arrived to one of the normal get together. That is how well he knows me. I swear if i wasn’t so afraid of what he might think I would have opened my mouth and sealed the deal with a kiss. But being me I shut it up and tried not to attract attention to my dilemma.new-girl-cooler-jess-nick-kiss-gif-bw

He still acted normal around me for long after I relies-ed I have more then friendship in mind with him. What if this is one sided? It has one through my mind countless times . To make things worse I have been in his presence a lot over the last few weeks more and more I get that I might be falling hard for a friend that I have always thought of as a brother.

Love comes in different shapes and sizes. It comes when you least expect it to happen to you. I have maid the mistake to walk away from the person I liked so much to prevent heart ache for myself. I don’t want to walk away from these feelings, I really don’t but what if this is just one sided and I loose him forever?

tumblr_md3lle9nnF1qdajj1o1_500I Only have one thing that I a scared of and the thing that scares me most is rejection.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
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Bucket list

220px-Bucket_list_posterWhen I saw this movie a few years ago and again resonantly. I got to thinking. We go through life day by day wishing the time to go fast so we can get home from work or school. Have lists of so much more things we need to do that it gets to the point we wish that time over so it can be done. Wishing your day away.

I asked myself what was my dreams a few years ago and I couldn’t name one. I have lost touch of me and who I wanted to be. So I decided to make  a list of things I want to accomplish before I have no more time left to enjoy life.

my-bucket-list

My Bucket list. ( just a few from the already long list and they are in not in a specific order)

1  adopting-before-i-die-bucketlist-cut1 adventure-before-i-die-bucketlist-perfectbucketlist-rain-Favim.com-240972 beach-before-i-die-bucket-list-bucketlist-kiss-Favim.com-274857 before-i-die4_180414683_188269849 before-i-die-before-you-die-bikini-bucket-list-Favim.com-758067 before-i-die-blog-bucket-list-love-mall-Favim.com-322460 before-i-die-bucket-list-bucketlist-eiffel-tower-paris-Favim.com-274854 before-i-die-bucket-list-car-dream-follow-Favim.com-282899 before-i-die-bucket-list-car-life-text-Favim.com-300139 before-i-die-bucket-list-castle-cinderella-dearbucketlist-Favim.com-423341_large before-i-die-bucket-list-castle-dearbucketlist-Favim.com-449845 before-i-die-bucket-list-change-friends-Favim.com-686820.jpg before-i-die-bucket-list-couple-fashion-Favim.com-516815 before-i-die-bucket-list-day-seattle-Favim.com-716582 before-i-die-bucket-list-dearbucketlist-guitar-instrument-Favim.com-428361 before-i-die-bucket-list-food-Favim.com-248130 before-i-die-bucket-list-love-piano-text-Favim.com-325448 before-i-die-bucket-list-photography-quote-Favim.com-516798 bfd3 big-ben-before-i-die-bucket-list-bus-Favim.com-736457 images images2

MEET THE STIG AND TOP GEAR PRESENTERS

MEET THE STIG AND TOP GEAR PRESENTERS

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So much more that I want to do with my life and I hope you do to.

I have my bucket list sorted and have started almost immediately.  I Have accomplished a few goals like learning how to dance and teach someone something they didn’t know.

Is there still unfinished business that you still want to do?