VLOG??!!

It has been quite the adventure up to now for me and I know I have been kind of to busy to post any blogs. But I might have found a new way of communicating faster.

VLOG!!

Yes I know some people like to read what is really going on than hearing someone talk and talk and talk a lot of bull. So I made the indication as follows that I might give you a little of reading and a little of video.

Or I might not even try it. (depends on how I feel when I do the recap.) But to get back to the hole video thing and what gave me the idea that this might work is I have been browsing Youtube for years now and everybody has either a make up tutorial or how to do things, even book critics.

So it had me thinking. What made them do it??? is it cause someone told them that they can give great advice or is it self thought? Well guess 90% would be cause people  have made them feel that they have made a difference in others lives.

A difference that I have seen in my life was also due to some people out there making people’s lives easier with their vlogs. I mean I use to spend hours doing things and only to find that I could have saved time by thinking.

I am using a daily minor thing that teenager girls struggle with when doing their hair and trying to pin the hair up with a bobby pin – hassle is that it doesn’t want to stay there even after putting another one there.

You lose a few along the way making hair style disasters happen frequently. I got saved by live hassles hair and make up to only face-palm myself for not thinking of that.

Hairspray.

Easy hell yes I have no hassles with bobby pins falling out or not even keeping up the hair.

this is just one of many that people around the world have made to help others in their struggles.

Everybody is like lets make a video and it would be so cool if we could help someone but it ain’t working. People say stupid things and do more stupid thing.

I know that I like to listen to people and help them with emotional and logical. Almost like a therapist but not qualified to subscribe you some medication (smile).

I like to hear about peoples problems and try to give them advice or support when they need it.

So I am sort of giving myself the opportunity to tell you guys that I am willing to listen if you are willing to talk.

If you want to talk give me a comment or leave a message.

I just might use my vlog NEXT TIME.

 

Crushing on someone….. why it can’t work and is there love out there????

Finally getting time to write and it feels like ages since I have last been on this site. So quick recap on what has been going on.

Work. Work. Work and ..uhm work. Welcome to my dull life.

 

Okay I am admitting it. I have a crush and it is making me go mad inside out…

The problem is it is NEVER going to work. How do I know this? Cause I do have eyes and I can see that if there was a mere chance of this being something it would end in disaster.

When people encourage the fact that you might feel something for someone more than friends, don’t go on it cause stalking is WEIRD…

May it be on a online or in real life. It can be seen as not harmful but sooner or later it may cause you to over annualized and  over react when that person is near. Trying to be near to him/her when you share company. often looking their way to see a glimpse of what you think you want more than anything. Freaking out to never be near you again is the end result.

Now for the person being stalked, it is flattering in the beginning then it begins so become a hassle to live with before getting scary like some of the shows on CRIME CHANNEL. My BFF tried to kill me. Stalkers.

Scary as in they begin to think that you are capable of that if it is not stopped, but the bad thing about this is that it is done in the wrong ways 70% of the time.

Taking in consideration that each and every situation is different it all comes to the same point. Do you really want to be the WEIRDO and outcast of everybody.

There are so many ways of stalking it is scary to think it is happening every second of everyday. It might be you or your best friend or some stranger doing it. So take caution and think before you take crushing on someone to the next level.

Back to the part of people/friends telling you that your crush has feelings for you after they find out about the crush bit. It is astoundingly the worst advice someone can give you but it is kind of reassurance that you are not in a bottomless pit. I have given that speech about a few times that time will tell and so on but in the end. What matters most is that if you guys were meant to be it would happen.

Don’t push the envelope cause you can’t wait for the RIGHT ONE, you might find that you can burn easily. Other than disappointment there will be regret, shame and dread. But the heart ache always seems to last only for as long as you are still fascinated by that person. Until the next one comes along…

They say that falling in LOVE is like taking a leap and trusting that you don’t fall. But is crushing really love? Does it really compare to true love? Some have proved to me that when you fall in love with someone it can start with a crush and end in happy ever after. But that is like one 1 out of 7 that it can happen to (guessing here the number can be higher in the odds of it happening.)

So is it love or just FASCINATION? What is the difference? so I ask something different – why do people fall out of love so quickly? Is it because of mistaken fascination as love? Another why is Divorce rate so high over the world? Is it because of society placing the perfect wife or husband and people fall for image more than what their hearts want?

Why do I need to fit in the cookie cutter? Be another clone to  become a Stepford wife. I have to say that people would use the word NORMAL now, but it is not normal? Sure we have the right to see who we want but it is all a lie. If it is not about social status it is about what you look like. What happen to don’t judge a book by its cover? Is it wrong for a girl that is a few pounds over weight or totally over weight to get the hot guy with muscles. And the geeky girl with glasses get the hot party guy. What about the science guy finding love with a hot model or a comic con guy finding it with a beauty queen. Or is it to remain fantasy for so many?

ANSWER.…. It wouldn’t work socially. Really!!! Do you know them all personally? Did you date one of them cause how can you tell me that it is not acceptable for any of these people that are seen as incompatible can’t date or even love? Social media has made it mostly impossible for more than half the world to function without the guideline about who to date and what to avoid.

Dating…. Social media and networks are the future dating sites. You don’t need to go out on a date to get to know someone. just login and STALK their profile. Easy fast and best place to avoid any awkward moments or even taking the risk of finding true love.

“O no I wouldn’t date him look at his profile pic. And there is no selfies…. ”

Ahg don’t get it. Just cause he is not photogenic doesn’t mean he is not the person for you. What about you? Do you think you are online dating worthy? Is there not someone out there now looking at your profile and thinking that you are undated-able? How would you know?

Or….

Do you Like the face to face date that makes everything WORTH going through? That just maybe love will come unexpectedly….

So the big question now is how do you KNOW if it is love or just a crush?

Think about it………

———————————————————————————————————

“It’s like I’m thirteen again and he’s my crush. All I’m aware of in this entire roomful of people is him. Where he is, what he’s doing, who he’s talking to.”
― Sophie Kinsella, Remember Me?

“He barely knew I existed. I knew some of the same people he knew, but I was a girl in the background, several degrees of seperation removed.”
― Rick Yancey, The 5th Wave

“Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.”
― Hilary Duff

““…we’re all fucking Duffs.”
(Designated Ugly Fat Friend)
“I’m not the Duff,” Wesley said confidently.
“That’s because you don’t have friends.” (Bianca)
“Oh. Right.””
― Kody Keplinger, The DUFF: Designated Ugly Fat Friend

2014 What a way to start

So time has flown past so fast and the short holiday that I had was to short to even notice.

But true to the new year And celebrations we did enjoy it.

Just a short entry I have a lot to do  before the weekend.  But A update none the less.

 

When life has so many unexpected events happening in your life that it feels like you going to drown in the sea of expectations. It felt like that to me. I was thrown into the deep end of this. everyone expected me to swim. each thing that hit me made me feel like sinking. I wanted to give up and drown. Drown in sorrow and sadness. Feeling the feelings of despair and  unsuccessful emotions. But somehow I kept going something made me want to keep going. Even if it was slowly.

So my planned holiday got canceled and the time I wanted to write, read and just do nothing was filled with unfortunate lists of things to do. So I was negative. Negative to everything.

Christmas past and to be honest it was just another day to me. This year it didn’t feel like the festive season.

New year was a blast. But still I was negative. Making it one of the least favorite new years.

What I then found to be is that I had a waist for a holiday. It made me grumpy and Agro at everything and everyone

If it wasn’t for friends and family I think I would have been a sour old lady before my short break was over. So after countless wining and chats I got to be positive about life.

I only saw the negative but when I counted my blessings I started to see that they are more than the bad.

God blessed me with so many things I could only go down on my knees and pray.

Don’t let the negative in life take over stop and look t what is positive in life. in your life

 

Year 2013 – fast tracked

with Christmas around the corner and the new year creeping up on us slowly but surely I have come to the terms that life is passing me by to fast. just feels like February was Yesterday and now we have December in only a few days away.

Why did it past me so fast? Can’t I just turn back the clock to catch up with what has happened this year. All questions that have the same answer to them. NO. I can’t. What it made me think is that the time I have left of this year I need to be productive. But how. In a month it is Christmas and then a week later new years. What can I do to be productive in just six weeks?

That is when I relished we do this every year. We just start a year with new years resolutions to fail before February and then start again in May to be disappointment by August with no results. Thinking maybe next year. We have big expectations for the year that has started only to recap and find that the year didn’t turn out like you would have wanted it to.

So I Have made new year plans for next year. Not to expect to much and to go with the flow. No more new years resolutions that will be broken after the first month. No more planning ahead of time of things that I can do before the end of the year. I want to start the new year 2014 with a clean slate and if something happens I would be trilled and if nothing happens I will not be disappointed as many times before. No expectations just day to day stuff.

Not saying that I will abandon my goals in life but just lowering my expectations on what life is going to dish out on me next year.

Love, love…. O no

I know it has been a while since my last post but due to good reason

I have been busy the last couple of weeks with my best friends wedding, My sisters Matric farewell(Prom) and my mother’s surprise birthday party. So had hardly any time for myself. Now that things have settled down and I can have a few moments to recap and rethink everything.  Sometime ago my life was turned up side down by a guy that shall not have a name due to knowledge of knowing it is him I will have to change my name and move away.

But with my life on the roller coaster ride from emotions going through me I can not make the right decisions at all.

To start at the beginning is to track back years and years ago when two kids didn’t know what real love is. And growing up and seeing each other on a daily basis didn’t stir the love pot yet.

Something made that vial drop, making me want him more then I want him to be my friend.

Why is it him that makes my heart race? Couldn’t it be someone else. Okay so being the whole drama avoidance squad I tried to make it seem like everything is okay. With out any success. he picked up on my discomfort and distance seconds after I arrived to one of the normal get together. That is how well he knows me. I swear if i wasn’t so afraid of what he might think I would have opened my mouth and sealed the deal with a kiss. But being me I shut it up and tried not to attract attention to my dilemma.

He still acted normal around me for long after I relies-ed I have more then friendship in mind with him. What if this is one sided? It has one through my mind countless times . To make things worse I have been in his presence a lot over the last few weeks more and more I get that I might be falling hard for a friend that I have always thought of as a brother.

Love comes in different shapes and sizes. It comes when you least expect it to happen to you. I have maid the mistake to walk away from the person I liked so much to prevent heart ache for myself. I don’t want to walk away from these feelings, I really don’t but what if this is just one sided and I loose him forever?

I Only have one thing that I a scared of and the thing that scares me most is rejection.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”

Lao Tzu

Bucket list

When I saw this movie a few years ago and again resonantly. I got to thinking. We go through life day by day wishing the time to go fast so we can get home from work or school. Have lists of so much more things we need to do that it gets to the point we wish that time over so it can be done. Wishing your day away.

I asked myself what was my dreams a few years ago and I couldn’t name one. I have lost touch of me and who I wanted to be. So I decided to make  a list of things I want to accomplish before I have no more time left to enjoy life.

My Bucket list. ( just a few from the already long list and they are in not in a specific order)

 

MEET THE STIG AND TOP GEAR PRESENTERS

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So much more that I want to do with my life and I hope you do to.

I have my bucket list sorted and have started almost immediately.  I Have accomplished a few goals like learning how to dance and teach someone something they didn’t know.

Is there still unfinished business that you still want to do?

Is it so difficult to grow up?

I was reminded the other day of childhood when the only worries you had was if your best friend is coming for a visit and if there was enough chocolate chip cookies to go around.

But since then it seems to become more intense, more responsibilities and more worries. We talked about the show we use to watch on TV. What games we use to play outside. And the only new technology  gadget was a toy  that had a light or could change color or make a new sound.

I want to be that kid again. The world has me thinking that being an adult has more con’s then pro’s. But we all age and grow up with time having our own troubled lives (some are just more than others.)  We go from no worries to relationship worries to life worries. The biggest worries in high school was did that person notice me? Is that person the one? What would they think about me if they knew? What am I suppose to do?

Life gets harder and we grow apart from our childhood dreams. I relies-ed I have grown so much that the slightest childish thing gets me boiling inside. I feel I don’t need to cope with it and it scares me to think a few years back I was that childish one and I irritated someone to a point that I could get a hiding.

ACT YOUR AGE NOT YOUR SHOE SIZE

I have heard that countless times and have said it to many times to people around me.

I Know I should judge but sometimes it gets hard to not think something about a person. I have great friends or rather a great ” family “. We see each other daily and talk about everything. But the thing is we are total opposites and that makes us unique I guess.  And honestly I get irritated with some (not good) I am the youngest in the group and being the youngest some think I am the childish one and the one that will irritated the living hell out of my friends.(Maybe I do I don’t know).

I know I am more matured than most my age and it kind of frustrates me to interact with people that don’t get me. I am not cynical about it or them. I love my friends and will do anything for them. I just sometimes feel I am on a whole different level of thinking with some of them. They still stay my friends no matter what.

Everybody grows up different ways some have to work all their life and others get born with the silver spoon. All in all we grow up and move on to a new chapters in our life. But sometimes the transfer from child to adult doesn’t seem to happen at all for some.

Trust me – I have lied

Searching deep inside I know I have told my fair share of lies, be they big or small everyone have done this at some point in their life. Be it to protect someone or them selfs. Pulling on the short end of the stick is never a good thing or feeling. And telling that lie just may prevent you from being at the short end.

Lies don’t hurt you after you told them. With time lies get a way of coming out and then the price must be paid. Never have I met someone that could lie and remember what he lied about weeks even months later. Being a liar is natural to some and they could lie without even blinking. How much brain capacity do you use when you must remember every single lie and truth?

So why am I doing a piece on my blog about lies and secrets?

Answer is simple. In the last few weeks of my life there has been someone that I trusted a lot and would of defended till my dying day. A friend that has been part of my life for years now. That lied and Deceived so many others and when the truth showed up this person was nowhere to be found. People ask way others don’t trust so easily forgetting what that person has gone through in their life. The bull s#*@t going around is more than the truth.

The word has made it self a place where lies are welcome and truths are withheld.

After we found out what this friend had done we were shocked and ashamed by it. Even tough we did nothing wrong. We started to look back to everything that happened over the last few years and the lies started to pop up all over the place. the truth made more sense now than the lies that have been told over the time period of months. We became casuist to see if she stopped and traps where set to catch this friend out and maybe just maybe get the truth out.

But as the time went the lies became more. Lied till there was no more way out. right into the corner with all the lies everywhere. This person was caught and tried to lie their way out of it only to be swallowed deeper into the black hole of lies.I know we are not one perfect and far from it. But lies don’t make life easier in fact it complicates everything.

We learned through this experience that even the person you trust the most can lie.

Snow angels don’t come out perfect – short story continue

continue…

The flight went on better than I would imagine. With no other disasters to fill my all ready long list we landed in France (city name). The short ride to the cabin was over flown with plan making from the parents. Making it clear that we could do what we want but had to be present for dinner every night. I was not much into the idée of sharing my day to day doings but to keep the mood happy I agreed to the many rules. Quietly making my own mental list of rules as the excitement in the SUV build amongst the parents.

1. Try not to make a fool of myself
2. Be cool and collected
3. Get a romantic affair going with a guy
4. Get Al out of my head
5. Lock bathroom door when occupied in it.
6. Get as much time on the snow

Feeling more in control with myself and what laid before me in the next three weeks I got excited for the first time on this trip. Not letting myself waist the time I get to do something I love the most. Snowboarding.  Dad taught me everything I could possible be able to know and on that board I am not weird Amy or clumsy Amy. I am extreme Amy.

“I can’t believe we are finally here. Now to get things going, Amelia” The use of my full name was my dad’s way to warn me. “I would like to talk to you after you unpacked.” “Yes Dad.” I walked down the hallway to my room. Feeling a little jet lagged was not stopping me to get dressed more warmly for my first snow date. I wanted badly to get out there and feel freedom.

“Amelia, I know you are not at all happy with this vacation but please try to make it enjoyable. And knowing you well I am not going to preach about it long. But before you go and make fools of the other boarders. Please be save and I love you. Okay.”

“I love you too Dad. Thank you I will try to do so.”

Almost racing for the door to get my freedom I craved for just to be stopped. Celia (Allen’s mom) wanted help with some groceries that the keeper of the house bought. ‘Argh. Why’ Reluctant I went to help. Freedom was only inches away. Before she could think to give me more work I was out the door yelling over my shoulder “I shall be back for dinner.”

Dating my best friend is not that hard, I think?

After the party and the amazing snogging under the oak tree.I was sure that my heart made its decision on who it truly loved. Fred was taking me on our first date. I was kind of nerves and checking the clock now and again. Wondering why time is going so slowly.

The drive to the movie was silent and felt awkward but when one of my favorite songs started playing on the radio I just had to sing along. He starting laughing and I was blushing like a red robot light. I wanted to talk but the butterflies in me was giving me trills and my tong being totally twisted didn’t help either. Some how it was strange to go from friends to boy/girlfriend. Looking for some sign that this was not a mistake. The feeling inside me is still new and made me scared to tell him everything. How did we move so quick from telling each other everything to  simple “Hey”.

Worrying about what is really going on I didn’t notice that we where at the cinema. When I came to open the door for me I snapped back to reality taking the hand that he was holding out for me with more blushing and soft “Thank you” whisper. Not letting me go he pulled me back against him. Lowering his head I just closed my eyes. Waiting for his lips to touch mine. Feeling his breath as he says “Relax” before taking my mouth hostage. WOW my toes are curling and my heart is like a racehorse going fast. Not wanting him to let go I pull him closer to deepen the kiss.

If it was up to me I would have not moved but he leaded me to the movie. I am still craving his lips to be on mine. Through the movie he placed his arms around my shoulders tacking me in by his side. I felt his fingers playing with my hair or rubbing my shoulder. His other hand found mine and was playing with my fingers. I guess he has no idea what this little bit of touching does to my body. Reminding myself that we are in a public place was not helping the need for him  to touch my lips.

It felt like ages when the end was showing and don’t even ask me what the movie was I would have to lie because I don’t remember. I rushed him on so we could get out of there. I wanted him all alone my mind was losing control and I wanted to kiss him like there is no tomorrow. He saw my eye’s and smiled. A devilish smile. No! what! wait!  Just kiss me all ready.

Making out in the drive way was not that romantic but sure as hell beats not being kissed by this guy. Letting go was not an option.